Too Busy Still

It amazes me some days how I get so busy that I completely forget that I have a blog and like to update it. November was of course dedicated to the NaNoWriMo story I was working on. I continued it on into December and have only just started losing steam on it. I expect to pick it back up in the new year though, with the help of a new writing group that I've joined on Facebook. The only reason I don't right now is because I've taken some time off that story to focus on the holidays and my daughter's birthday which will be happening before the end of the month. I still have been keeping up the habit of writing every day, by updating outlines or coming up with new ones. That should help me hit my year's end goal if the trend continues and as of yet, I don't see why it won't. But it also occurs to me that perhaps I am not faithful about my blogging for two reasons. I use this place to rant and I haven't had much to rant about lately and secondly, I'm so busy writing other things that i don't feel the need to write and express myself here. I guess when I feel the urge, such as I did today, then I'll blog.

NaNoWriMo Done!

I know that I had posted that I finished NaNo on the 18th. And yes, technically I did so by attaining my 50k of words. But I decided to go farther this year. The best I have ever done is 96k in one month and that was writing in March of 2003, I believe. That was one novel that came from a script that I had written with a friend in high school for a creative writing course. I thought that there could be so much more to the story and therefore, decided to give it a shot. After that, I found out about NaNo from a friend and decided to give it a try. I have loved it ever since and participate, if not win, every year since. It is an accepted thing in my family now that I am only partly available during the month of November.

Well, this year, I wanted to push myself. So I doubled the goal. I wanted to write 100k by the end of the month. And I did it. Despite all of the setbacks and distractions, by afternoon of Nov. 30th, I had over 100k. My total validated by the NaNo program was 101322. That is a personal milestone for me as the most I have ever done for NaNo, the most I have ever written in one month and the most written in one month for one single story. The only other time I came close to that was when our computer was down and I ended up hand writing 92k during the month of August, 2006.

The best part about this is that at the end of each year, I set goals for myself for the next year of writing. When I first took up writing again after marrying and moving with my husband to the States, I thought it was amazing to write 50k in a year, let alone a month. The yearly totals in goal have slowly and steadily moved up through the year and I am pleased to say that last year I was able to reach half a million words written. And that was with plenty of time not writing due to my husband taking over the computer when he was sidelined by an on the job injury. There was even less time for me to write this year due to a lot of complications and commitments. But with this NaNo total, I am well back on track to hitting 500k by December 31st.

Next year, I'm going for a million.

Woohoo!!!

I did it! I did it! NaNoWriMo is won once more. I hit my 50000 word goal tonight.Of course, the novel isn't done yet and won't be for a while. I totally plan on continuing to write on it. I guess I have a resolution to not publish anymore of my fanfiction until it's done or mostly done and a good chance of being finished. I have just too many fictions our there to introduce a partial story now. But now that I've finally got into the flow of this story, it almost seems to be writing itself. It makes me laugh because I keep referencing the outline I made, but I keep putting things into it in different order than I planned. But it all comes out naturally and sounding normal, so I think it works. I'll get it all in there at some point or another. But for now, I'm going to relax, maybe work on some more knitting and then go to bed.

NaNoWriMo Day 11

Ah, things are starting to go fantastic for me, now that I have a game plan in mind. I started working on my fanfiction novel this month and it was slow going at first. I had the plot all set out. I wasn't sure about the characterization, but it has been coming together, now that I have most of the exposition and back story stuff out of the way. I'm moving into the meat of the story. It's really flowing and I'm feeling that special satisfaction once I come to a stopping point in the story, usually the end of a chapter. This is ending up a his her counterpoint of views per chapter, so at this point, I'm writing out all of her chapters and then at the halfway point, I will go back to his side of the story. I know that the story won't be finished at the end of the month, but that's okay, since I wasn't going to post this one until it was complete anyways. Most specifically because it is a new fandom that I am trying out and I want the chance to tweak things before I present it to the public for consumption. It just tickles me that even with headaches, migraines, knee problems and a kids birthday to deal with so far, I've only missed one day of writing. No second week slumps for me!

Updating the Blog

Oh, I am so very excited. I started playing around with the design of the blog last night and was able to add links to some of my fan fictions over at ff.net. I am slowly figuring things out. I was wondering how I was going to post the fictions, but now, instead of wasting space posting them in the actual blog content, I'll do it the other way. Of course, I had to show it all off to the hubby and first thing he did was try to read my posts. I had to nip that in the bud, since this is first and foremost my ranting page. And I definitely reserve the right to rant about him in future and I would like to do so without any form of retribution that we, as a middling long married couple have developed. Now, I'm off to see if I can find my brother's blog!

Stupid site

Well, of course there is more to complain about with that damn site. I log in and there is absolutely nothing. Oh, I  can edit my account information, but everything else has just disappeared. I guess I can't complain too much, as it made for a restful day of not having to click on something every two seconds. Just ticks me off, because I was in the middle of chatting with a friend when it happened. Oh well, at least I got some other stuff done today.

Letters of Regret

I was recently asked by a friend if I could write a letter of recommendation and opinion to be used in a custody trial that is coming up soon. I kind of knew this was coming in the general sense and I have thought occasionally on it. Things happened recently that aren't my place to divulge, but once the ball started rolling, it went fast. So when the official request came through, I jumped right on the bandwagon. I started burn up paper as I wrote about all the wrongs of said friends ex-spouse. That isn't to say I didn't have a few things to say about my friend as well and I tried to make it not so much a letter of sainthood recommendation but a balanced perspective.

But it wasn't. Of course not, it was just the first draft.

So I edited. I took out all the things that I really only knew about second and third hand. The letter was still about forty pages typed. Yeah, a lot to say about that relationship. So I did the sensible thing and I left it alone for a few days. Again. Then I went back and I realized, in the course of the relationship, with them living on the other coast, I never got a chance to actually see the one parent interact with the child. So there went all that. In the end, everything I was writing about, wasn't even about the kid in question.

And so the letter was not sent. Until today.

Because I am finally (wo-)manning up and putting on my big girl britches and realizing that yes, this situation has brought up a lot of anger and bad memories for me, even on the outskirts of the situation, as I was. There were things that happened in my life that i had to deal with, that were similar to this case and I had to deal with it all before I could move past myself and realize that I truly do want, what is in the best interest of the child in question. Of course, that would have been for Mom and Dad to remain happily married and dedicated to the family, but that didn't happen. Next best would to be to have an amicable relationship geared towards the best interests of said child without personal feelings and prejudices coming into play. Never going to happen it seems. Not a perfect world. So, going by how the kid reacts to one parents name, I'm going with my friend.

I just really hope that the judge overseeing this whole thing listens fairly, without bias and puts the kid first. With what I know of the justice system these days, I'm really going to be praying hard. And that's not something I do as a habit.

The Gender War

I ain't gonna say much about it, other than it really wears on my nerves. It isn't the whole thing of men versus women. That's always going to happen, because as a rule, I find every single person on this earth to be self-centered in some way or at least self serving on some level. And before people start throwing names like Mother Teresa and Ghandi and shit like that, well guess what, they weren't miserable when they were serving others, were they?

No, what's sort of pissed me off today is that one of my kids friends on fb has decided that he just absolutely had to crack the new breast cancer awareness code meme making it's way around the site. I think the idea of this little trivia thing is fun, if it brings awareness to something we're all painfully aware of already, then yay, more power to it. But when did it become about confusing the men in the world? It was amusing the first go around, and it wasn't only men that were confused. Until it was explained to us by post or another woman, there were plenty of confusion about these posts naming your bra color.

But news flash people! It's a biggie and I am not sure if some of you are aware, but ~deep breath~ here it comes:

Breast cancer affects men too.

GASP.

And I'm not implying in a oh yes, men must watch as women suffer and die. I am saying that men can get cancer of the breast as well. They have breasts, some more impressive (in size, not attraction level here) than women. And since their breasts are composed of tissue, muscle and blood as well, then yeah, it's a cancer target site.

So in this thing that affects the world over, men and women, in contracting the illness, in death and in having to watch a loved one suffer, why are we pitting ourselves against each other for the attention.

Is this kid so friggin' immature (I guess that kind of goes without saying), but for all men out there wanting to be douches about this, don't be immature. Let this one go because it's important for you too. And women, don't be so fucking smug if the man in your life can't or won't figure it out. It's not like it's friggin' rocket science. Ever consider that they're playing along because they know exactly what it's about and there are some men who believe in and support this whole meme thing? I know mine does.

The bitch that spawned Satan

The title of this post is not as cool as it seems. I was thinking about calling it the bitch from hell, but that's just not nasty enough for this woman that I am rapidly coming to despise again.

My mother in law.

Oh yeah, I've got one of those. And even my husband agrees that she is very often heinous. Thankfully he is adopted.

So get this, she calls me up this morning to tell me that she mailed me a letter. Okay, fine. There was a question that my husband had that she answered, since she didn't have the answer when she was visiting. There were also some things that she felt "needed to be said". What the hell is that? There are so many things that she likes to bitch about. What the hell is she going to choose from this time? What, we don't go to church even though there is one just down the block? Is she pissy about my daughter's boyfriend. Offended because I didn't let her go into the basement because the sub flooring needs to be replaced and it's dangerous to just wander around there. Or jeeze, maybe I didn't brush my kids hair just exactly fucking right!!! And yes, she has complained about that very thing before.

This is the woman that had a major hand in a nearly decade long depression that I underwent, the woman that drove my husband to drink at an early age, the woman that offended my mother with nearly every sentence she spoke. (For fuck's sake, after we left her house once, she took out every single dish that my mother had just washed, FOR HER, and re-washed them because she didn't trust the job my mother did.) This woman is the reason my second child remained a bed wetter until she was seven, forcing her to wear pull-ups and overnight diapers with a plastic sheet on the bed whenever she visited grandma's house. This year, she is one of the reasons that my eldest child enrolled in summer school, just so she would have an excuse not to visit grandma. My second child got a job that lasted all summer for partially the same reason. My third child visited her and wanted at first to stay for a month. She came home after ten days. This is the woman that caused me to be ostracized in my husband's hometown because everyone there despised her and painted me with the same brush from association by marriage.

Now don't get me wrong, aside from the bed wetting issue, she's never physically harmed my children, but the psychological damage is far outweighing any positive influence that she might possibly ever had.

And the thing that really gets me was that I went fucking out of my way to be nice to her, to help her spend time with my kids without my interference, to even defend her words and actions to my kids. (Just some stuff about the internet and being mindful of how their actions now can have consequences down the road. That's actually stuff I agree with.)

But this, telling me that she's sent me a letter that she felt that she had to explain before I've even read it. To tell me that if there was anything in there that offended me, that she hoped I would read it in the loving spirit that it was intended in. Basically she was telling me that she knows I will be offended and hurt by what she wrote, but I should forgive her regardless.

Well fuck you bitch!!!! You cunt whore, anal retentive spawn of fucking pure evil dark!!! Take that crop you whipped the fucking horse you rode in on and shove it up your ass! Repeatedly!

Regardless of what she wrote, there won't be forgiveness. There will be cutting her out of my life to the greatest extent that I have. Because I am tired of her judgement on a minor snapshot that she has of my life. This is it. It's over. I no longer have a mother in law and the day that she dies, I will dance on her fucking grave!

Roll of the Dice

Okay, when I was a teenager, I was a semi-avid RPGer. It was usually just a way to pass time with a group of friends. Anyway, this morning, I was reading yet another immaturely written fan fiction. Drove me nuts because there was obviously no thought put into this story at all. It pretty much read as a "then this happened, then this happened and this and this". There was no how, or why and the things that the author was claiming happened had no basis, I want to say in reality, but I can't as really, it IS fan fiction. Anyway, the author of the fiction seemed more like a sheep than an actual creative writer. I'm not trying to rip on this person, hence why I haven't named the author and truthfully, there are a lot of young writers out there that are interested in the craft and everyone has to start somewhere. None of us can get better without encouragement and experience.

It just drives me nuts when writers read so much or so little other fan fiction that if they see something repeated a few times, they accept it as canon, when it is usually fanon and they figure to make their story "true" they have to throw in all these extras that they don't understand or take the time to research. forthelongestday hit upon this a rant about Bella/Jasper (Stephenie Meyer's Twilight series) fictions and the things that we hate about them. It was almost exactly my pet peeves about that pairing.

Well, anyway, while I was contemplating on this, I had this funny idea about writing a fiction. Truthfully, I think if I didn't give it a lot of thought, it would end up as cliched as the majority of the stories out there. And then I thought, I really shouldn't think about it. I want to write a story by the roll of the dice. (Here's where the gaming experience comes into play.) Let's take a Twilight story for example. My pairing would be Bella/ Jasper. I'd pick a point and start from there, with every choice, decision, crossroad, let's decide what happens with the roll of a dice. Even just a plain 6 sided dice can be utilized.

Hmm, I'll start at just after Bella's ill fated birthday party and well, Edward is leaving. So now, the family has a choice, do they stay or do they go. Assign yes and no to the dice, for instant all the even numbers are yes, all the odd numbers will be no. I roll and yes, the family decides to leave. Okay, works so far. But I really want Jasper and Bella together. So, let's check again, Jasper feels remorseful, so he has a choice, roll again, does he sneak back now? Dice says no so he'll come back later. And of course, he needs to make some decisions about how to deal with his life and the Cullens. Does he go back to killing humans? Here's where I get realistic people. 1- we know from the books that he has a hard time dealing with dying people's emotions. 2- he isn't enraged so why would he fall off the wagon. 3- maybe he slips because the stress is too much. 4- he runs into another vampire just starting to feed and the temptation is too much to end it quickly. And so on and so forth. I roll the dice and get my answer.

I think I really like this idea. I could have so much fun with it and assigning all those numbers for possible plot points really forces me to explore some creativity. Yeah, one of these days I might just go for it...

Ripping

Age old question.

Why the hell do people feel and then indulge in the need to rip on others?

Simple answer, because they feel themselves inadequate and tear other people down to feel better about themselves, or they want the attention. Or both.

But what really gets me is those sneaky little bastards that couch it all in the terms of teasing or jokes, when they add that stupid little, lol to their comments. And yes, I have actually heard textards use that instead of just laughing and leaving it. Or the even more annoying, lololololol. Yeah, are you pausing between your laughs so that laugh, pause, laugh, pause laugh? At last lmao makes more sense in that situation.

But just because you've added that f**king lol doesn't make your comments all right. Recent case that burned me, was people commenting on my husband singing. One chick hadn't seen my husband in twenty years and she was complaining about his singing voice. Well, he only started singing about sixteen years ago when he joined my father's band. And then, my father and hubby's brother join in the ripping. WTF!? Not like they're much better than he is. Yeah dad, where is your cd? Ooh, still in post-production? Sure. When was it supposed to be released? Last summer, winter, spring, this summer? Sheesh. Haven't seen hide nor air of it yet.

And you know what, the post hubby made wasn't even a video of him singing. He simply quoted some lyrics that he felt were apropos for the situation. And Bitchy McBitcherson decided to open her trap. At least he was gracious and was saving the ripping on her for a private phone call. Except he couldn't find her number. People are just such freaking jerks. Another reason I hate fb. Because between me and the blog, it's the family and the friends that are the worst.

Premier Rant!

Okay, it's official, I had to start my own blog about whatever it's going to be because I hate fb, twitter, lj and all those "social networking" type sites. And why do I hate them? Because for supposedly being my page, it leaves an awful lot of room for other people to stick their noses into my business. For being my page, and being a slightly sensitive to others person, I am feeling an overwhelming need to self edit. That doesn't strike me as fair. Put it this way, recently my parents, sister, brother and niece came to visit. It was pretty good. Had it's ups and downs. But when they got home, my father immediately jumped onto his fb page and informed everyone that it was the vacation from hell.

I was devastated.

I went out of my way to open up my home to my family, to see my niece for only the second time in her six years of life and this is what they say. Well, I could understand if he had said it was the trip home from hell, since they had a lot of mishaps between my house and theirs. But no, my father specifically said vacation and moreover, anyone that commented on that, got an earful about just how awful it was. I didn't realize that since they volunteered to drop my child of at the other grandparents house on the way back, that somehow all of their accidents became my fault.

Yes dad, I deliberately raced ahead of you to scare a deer out of the ditch so that you could hit it with the truck. Yes dad, I inherited your blowhard ways and made it so windy so that when you forgot to roll up the awning on your fifth wheel camper, it tore the damn thing off. And yes dad, it's all my fault that you are such a lousy driver that you have at least three accidents or traffic tickets a year.

Whew! Felt good to let that out. But if I had done that on my fb account, there would be at least ten guaranteed comments ranging from the joking to the offended. And considering that it is my account, I should be allowed to express how I feel about a personal situation without the censure I know I would receive. So how do I solve this? Create a blog to vent and not tell my family and close friends about it.

Check.

Well, I can certainly see why my brother deleted his fb account.We're getting dangerously close to the situation I was in with lj. There, it turns out that my ex-sister in law was reading all of my posts and then ripping on me behind my back. And then, my brother didn't even have the balls to tell me until they were getting a divorce. There's love for ya.

Yep, just gotta be me.