Title:
Accidental Pen Pals
Chapter
Title: Care Package
Author:
Restive Nature
Disclaimer:
I do not own the rights to BtVS or Dark Angel. They belong
respectively to Whedon & Mutant Enemy and to Cameron/ Eglee. No
infringement is intended and this fiction is for private enjoyment
only.
Rating:
PG-13
Genre:
Crossover
Type:
Friendship/ Humor
Pairing:
Dawn/ Joshua (as friends)
Summary:
All she asked for was a little help on a school project... but this
IS Dawn we're talking about here.
Spoilers/
Time line: This is Season 7 for BtVS and Season 2 for Dark Angel. But
things have been skewed for BtVS so that the show fits into the Dark
Angel format of Post-Pulse.
Feedback:
Always welcome!
Distribution:
Ask first please.
A/N:
This is a response to the Pen Pals Challenge. For challenge details,
please see the first chapter.
Accidental
Pen Pals
Chapter
Eight
Care
Package
Dearest
Dawn,
I
am so very sorry for making you worry. It was not my intention. Just
as you were having trouble before, so was I. It is very painful for
me to write this, but I do not want you to feel as if you have done
anything wrong.
I
am sad and have not written back to you because my younger brother,
Isaac was killed. There were many things wrong or maybe I should say
bad for Isaac. He was hurt and scared and did not know what he was
doing. And because he was scared, he was hurting other people. I feel
pain in my heart, because I knew this, but I did not do the right
thing to stop him, when it mattered.
I
have dreams now too, like yours with your mother. I hear the bad
things in my head. I wonder if I had told someone, or found Isaac
before he was so badly hurt, if it could have been different. My
father wanted me to take care of him, to watch out for him and I
failed. I hear this most often in my dreams. And I hear too that my
friends will turn away from me when they see and think of Isaac, who
looked so much like me. That Max will realize I truly am a monster,
even though it was her that Isaac tried to hurt last. That Cindy will
see blood on my hands or Logan, who is a good man and tries to help
us, will turn away not only from me, but from Max, who loves him. I
fear most the look that will be on my father's face when I tell him
that his beloved son is dead.
These
are the dreams that haunt me, even when I am not asleep. And now I am
scared that you will not want to be my friend, knowing that I am not
a good person. I didn't stop my brother. People were hurt and some
people died. Not just Issac. I hid him and the truth about him away
from others instead of asking for the help that deep inside, I knew
that he needed. I just did not think that anyone would understand.
I
am sorry if this makes you feel differently about me. I will
understand if you no longer wish to be friends with me. I will
cherish the letters that I had from you, for the rest of my life.
They have been like sunshine in my life.
Yours
respectfully,
Joshua
Dear
Joshua,
I
am so so so sorry about your brother. I have no idea what to say. I
never imagined that you were dealing with something so monumentally
huge. And I also don't know whether to be outraged that you would
think I don't want to be your friend because of some mistakes that
you might have made that turned out so tragically. Or extremely
pissed off that your friends seem to have never shown you that
nothing could turn them away from you. Maybe they've never had the
chance until now. I hope they are as true to you as our real friends
have been to Buffy and I.
I'm
glad my letters have meant something special to you, because yours
mean the world to me. They are something sweet and innocent,
brightness in the dark and dreary that I sometimes live in. They are
untouched by everything around me, one place where I know I can
always be myself, with nothing threatening to take any part of me
away. Maybe that doesn't make any sense to you, but it's how I feel.
For
now, please take care of yourself. Make sure that you eat, even if
you don't feel like it. And talk to any and all of your friends. I
know it's hard and I know I had trouble myself with that when I was
mourning. But standing outside of this, seeing it from a distance, I
would hate for you to make yourself sick over this. Physically or
heartsick for that matter. When you're ready to talk, go ahead and
write back. And I'll continue to write to you, unless you don't want
to right now. Just let me know.
With
love,
Dawn
Dear,
dear Dawn,
Thank
you so much for the care package. Of course I would love for you to
keep writing to me. These letters, they mean so much to me right now.
And now that I have had a little time to reflect, everything you
wrote to me was very true. My friends remained true. Even when I did
not want to talk, when I wanted to be left alone, they were all there
for me. Even you. Max came by every day to make sure that I ate.
Cindy even made special cookies to tempt me. And Logan brought a very
special piece to mark Isaac's grave with. When I saw the tears that
he did not cry, I knew then that we would be okay. He is a very good
man.
I
took the time to read again the letters that you have sent me
recently. I smiled when I read about RJ and I knew, without having to
read the next letter to know, that he was a crush. That is a very
funny word to use for a romance feeling. Is it because at any moment
you would feel that your heart is crushed if the object of the crush
doesn't notice you? I knew that it was just a starting feeling or not
big yet, because you talked about how RJ looked, or what he did. You
did not say what his passion was, how he treated you, the things you
shared. I do not think a teacher counts. Ha ha.
I
have never had a crush, as you put it, on someone. There have been
girls and women that have been nice to me. But they are more like
friends. I think it would take a very special girl to like someone
like me. And I don't think there are many out there in the world. I
have my friends and I am content. For now at least.
I
do not have much more to say. So I will go warm up some soup that Max
left for me, because I do want you to know that I am trying to take
care of myself. I decided that I need to be okay, because who will
remember Isaac and the wonderful things about him, but me? Maybe I
still have something good to offer this world.
Joshua
Dear
Joshua,
I
am so glad that you said that. The last line you wrote last time. So
many people don't realize that even the little things they do can
matter so much. I remember my mom, of course, but the things I think
most on are things like, how she would come up behind me and hug me
around my middle. How she called me Punkin belly. The feel of her
hand as she checked my temperature on my forehead. The smell of her
perfume when she helped me with homework. Those are my strongest
memories of her.
She
always believed that we all had something to contribute to the world.
And with Buffy and I, when it wasn't what she or we or anyone for
that matter expected of us, she still saw the strength in what was
there. I remember once, my sister was in trouble with school. And not
just her grades. The principal was a really gross little troll who
seemed to hate children. I really don't know why so many of those
types want to be teachers. Anyway, he put Buffy in charge of the
parent's night, when all the parents go to the school to see the
projects that the kids are working on. And talk to the teachers of
course.
Well,
Buffy tried her best to make sure everything was perfect. And it
started out okay, even though we all knew that the teachers weren't
going to have good things to report about her. But then, a gang of
rowdies crashed the school, looking to deface it or something. And a
couple of the guys, they were on drugs or something and they got
violent. But it was MY
sister that kept everyone safe. And my mom saw this. And she told
Buffy that it didn't matter what her grades or her teachers said.
When it mattered, my sister had her priorities right.
You
know, it was only recently that Buffy and I started to understand
each other. I think I can tell you that I was jealous for so long of
her. She's a very special person. But I get now that it wasn't
something that she went looking for. It's hard for me to remember
that sometimes. She's my sister, always. But sometimes she has to put
that aside to take care of other things. It felt for the longest time
that she didn't want the burden of taking care of me, that she didn't
want me around. I never understood why. I felt like she hated me,
that I came along and ruined this perfect little life that she had. I
get now that it wasn't perfect then, and it's not perfect now.
At
least she let's me into her life too, instead of circling around it,
desperate to be noticed. I used to sit in front of my mirror
sometimes, feeling like a ghost, like no one could see me. Maybe I
had to see myself first, before I knew what I wanted my family and
friends to see of me.
Oh,
I'm sounding so strange. I guess feelings are like that. And I had
totally meant to cheer you up. But thinking of my Mom, missing her
always and seeing Buffy trying so hard to be like her... It makes my
throat close up a little and I get this funny taste in my throat and
oh! I was going to ask you and before I forget, but mostly because I
don't want to start crying about my mom, what kind of cookies do you
like? I sent the chocolate chip ones because who doesn't love
chocolate chips? But really, what do you like? And what's your
favorite food? I like to experiment, but well, that doesn't always
turn out so well.
Let
me know!
Dawn
*****
“'Nother letter for your sweetie
there Dawn?” Xander's voice asked from behind her and Dawn jumped
in her seat. Spinning around, she mock glared at Xander.
“He's
not my sweetie,” she protested, relieved that she had already just
sealed the letter. Now it only needed addressing, which she turned to
do before she forgot and the letter got lost in the sea of papers
that she regularly brought home from school.
“We're just pen pals.”
“You sure about that?” Xander
grinned as he leaned on the back of her chair, reading over her
shoulder. But it was just her math assignment that was on top of the
pile. “That's an awful lot of letters between you two.”
“I'm sure,” Dawn grinned. It would
have been hypocritical of her to say that she hadn't had the
occasional thought that it would have been totally cool if she had a
pen pal that was a complete sweetheart of a hunk that exchanged
letters with her. Getting to know who she truly was before the
curiosity could no longer be contained and he showed up on her
doorstep to sweep her off her feet. And then they could all ride off
into the sunset together. Dawn snorted to herself as the silly grin
grew.
Yeah, as if!
And while she was at it, her parents
would be living and together, totally accepting of anything that came
their way. Demons and Vampires wouldn't exist and Buffy would be the
big sister that every kid wanted. Not because she knew five ways to
kill a being with just one hand, but because she'd be cool with
letting her little sister borrow her leather pants whenever she
wanted.
“We live in the real world Xander,”
she added with a sigh that was only part mournful for a fantasy life
that would never come true. Wishes were just that because the reality
of them was just that. Reality was harsh and cruel sometimes. But it
was beautiful as well, to balance out the hardships. That's why there
were two different words for such concepts. She knew that now. A
lesson painfully taught on Buffy's last birthday. All because Dawn
had been a needy little brat.
“Well, real world or no,” Xander
sighed, “we've got some real work to do. You coming?”
“Yeah, I'll be right there,” Dawn
nodded. She finished writing out Joshua's address with a flourish and
then rose to place the letter on the mantle piece. If she didn't get
to it herself, she was pretty sure that Buffy or Willow would for
her. She smiled as she moved out of the dining room, flipping off the
light switch as she went. It was good to have the family of friends
that she did.
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