Title:
Enough To Live On
Chapter
Title: Somewhat of an Awkward Situation
Author:
Restive Nature
Disclaimer:
I do not own the rights to Twilight, the series or characters created
within the series. They belong respectively to Stephenie Meyers.
Original characters appearing in this fiction are all that I own. No
money is being made from this fiction. No infringement
is intended and this fiction is for private enjoyment only.
Rating:
up to NC-17
Chapter
Rating- PG
Genre:
Twilight
Type:
Romance
Pairing:
Bella/ Jasper
Summary:
Bella decides that she has had enough of this merry-go-round she is
on and when she proposes her plan to Jasper, will it be enough for
them to live on?
Spoilers/
Time line: This is AU/ All human cast.
Feedback:
Always welcome!
Distribution:
Ask first please.
A/N:
I have taken the liberty of including some actual places that reside
in Seattle for the sake of some authenticity. But please be aware
that I have not visited Seattle since I was a child. Everything I
have gleaned about these places come from the Internet, so take it
all with a grain of salt!
A/N2:
This fiction is the result of my participation in NaNoWriMo 2011.
Enough
To Live On
Chapter
Five
Somewhat
of an Awkward Situation
BPOV
I
was going to die! Right now. Of mortification. I knew that people
said that it wasn't possible, but they didn't know me and they didn't
know that I was so embarrassed, my heart palpitating, sweat breaking
out all over, that I would literally die.
Melodramatic,
yes. I had learned from the best there was after all, given my
experiences in college with Edward.
I
dropped my face into my hands, wishing with every fiber of my being
that the ground under my chair would just open up and swallow me
whole and I could hide away from everyone. But then I heard Jasper's
voice, full of concern.
“Bella?
Honey, don't do that.”
Honey?
He must really feel sorry for me to be using such endearments. I
shrank back wishing even harder that I had never come this evening.
That I had never started this ultimately stupid and chaotic feeling
induced plan.
“Bella,
please?” He sounded a little upset now and I wished that I could
reassure him that I was okay. But I wasn't even sure of that myself.
How could I ever look Jasper in the eye now?
“It's
not that bad darlin',” he implored and I felt his hand tugging at
my own, but childishly I backed away.
“Hey,
hey,” his voice softened and I felt his hand again, his thumb, I
thought idly, starting to caress the back of my hand. Even as
embarrassed as I was, I was still startled to feel a little electric
zing right at the point of contact from his skin on mine. Oh, this
just made everything so much worse, that I was so physically
attracted to this man. This blast from my past that now realized the
desperate, pathetic heap I really was.
“Bella,
look at it this way,” he entreated quietly. “Yes, you wrote and
placed that ad, but I'm the one that responded to it, right?”
Well
that was true. So, obviously that meant that I wasn't the only one
yearning... Maybe there was more to this than just my embarrassment.
If there was anything that I had learned in my life, it was that
there were two sides to everything. And right now, I was focusing
just on my own embarrassment, my own needs and wants and where my
life was. What about Jasper's? I knew why I had written what I had,
but why had he responded. He had said earlier that his step mother
and sister in law had tried fixing him up, but there was no woman in
his life. And obviously he wanted something out of the arrangement I
had proposed.
I
knew that the only way I was going to get answers was to face this
head on. Many a times in my life I had had to be brave and pick
myself up and move on. It was a difficult lesson and in a way, some
of those past times had been much worse than right at this moment. I
just had to keep these thoughts in my mind and face him.
I
took a deep breath and slowly blew it out.
“All
right, come on now,” Jasper encourage me, seeming to recognize that
I was trying to regroup. His hand was still on mine and when he
tugged lightly again, I let him pull my hand away, though I wasn't
quite ready to meet his eyes yet. I dropped my other hand to my lap
and took another deep breath.
“Well,
this is somewhat of an awkward situation,” I murmured and then let
out a shocked laugh before chewing on my lower lip. He didn't laugh
along with me
“It
is,” he agreed. “But I'd really hate to see our evening ruined
because of it,” he told me and I had to agree with that. We'd been
having such a nice time until one little moment ruined it. A moment I
really wished hadn't occurred, but I knew it was just extreme wishful
thinking to be hoping for that.
“Yes,”
I agreed mildly. But I couldn't see what we could do about this.
“Okay,
so like I said,” he went on, “you wrote an ad, and I answered it,
but” and here he blew out a heavy breath of air. “Well, I'm
thinking that there's a lot more to this than what's on the surface.
At least I know there is on my part. So I'm thinking and if you don't
want to that's fine, but I'm thinking that maybe we could get the
rest of our order to go and then we can find someplace a little
more,” he glanced around slightly and dropped his voice. “A
little more private, to hash this out.”
I
stared at him in amazement. “You're-!” I couldn't believe this.
“You're still interested?” I choked out. “Even knowing me? That
it's me... That I-!” He smiled at that. And his hand covered mine
where it rested on the table.
“Yes
Bella, even knowing that it was you,” he explained. “But the
thing is, I had questions of my own and some things that I needed to
discuss about this all, before I was ready to, well, you know.”
“Oh,
of course,” I nodded, feeling slightly relieved. I was actually
very glad that this wasn't something that Jasper was just going to
jump into without any thought because well, I kind of felt that it
didn't speak very highly of him. And I had been fully prepared to
answer what I had thought that I would need to answer. With a
relieved look in his eye that I didn't seem to be panicking any
further, he leaned back and caught Wendy's eye and gestured her over.
“Yes,
what can I get you sir?” she asked with a small purr in her voice
and I would have bristled under normal circumstances.
“I'm
afraid something's come up,” Jasper answered deftly and swiftly.
“Could we possibly get the rest of our order to go?” I had to
hide my snicker as she looked taken aback and stammered out an
agreement and then turned away, presumably to let the kitchen know. I
took a hasty sip of water, wondering what to say now. And then I
knew.
“Um,
where did you want to go to talk?” I asked quietly. There couldn't
have been too many places that were available.
“Well,”
he answered immediately. “I was thinking that you could follow me
back to my hotel, unless of course, you came in a cab. Or, if you
prefer, we can go to your place. It's your choice.”
“That
would probably be the best idea,” I decided. “You're hotel I
mean,” I clarified. He looked a little questioning and I hastened
to explain. “Sorry,” I muttered, shrugging one shoulder, “just
something so personal...”
“Seems
a lot easier to handle when you're somewhere more impersonal,” he
finished for me and a small smile played at my lips. Surprisingly, he
got it right away. Or maybe he had because it was the same for him.
“Yeah.”
I toyed idly with my fork, wondering how long it would take for them
to finish preparing our meal. “Oh, and I brought my own car. You
know, in case things, um, didn't work out.” I laughed then, another
shocked giggle. “I mean, I wasn't expecting anything tonight. You
know, initial meeting and all.”
“It's
okay Bella,” Jasper grinned and let out his own chuckle. “We've
been through the worst of what we were expecting tonight, I guess.”
Then he sat up determinedly. “And I don't know about you, but my
mama taught me not to let things go to waste, so what say we finish
this delicious appetizer.” He gestured to his plate and I realized
that we both had plenty of herbed bread left. I wasn't sure however,
that I could eat. I must have grimaced or something because Jasper
reached across the table, picked up my fork and placed it in my hand.
“Eat Bella,” he commanded. “You've had a little bit of a shock
and you need something in your system and not alcohol. Besides, if I
know you, you haven't eaten a thing all day.”
I
stared at him in amazement, again. “How did you know that?” I
blurted out. Because it was so totally true. I hadn't been able to
force food past my lips all day, because I had been so nervous about
tonight.
Jasper
grinned at me and winked. “Every single time we had a huge math
test, you wouldn't eat a thing at lunch,” he told me and I quickly
thought back to those days. That was very true. I would get knots of
anxiety in my stomach and not be able to eat. Usually I would have a
drink or some sort and maybe be able to nibble on some salad and
then, after the dreaded test would be over, would eat ravenously at
dinner at home. I chuckled under my breath.
“You're
very observant you know,” I told Jasper. Maybe he was a little too
observant.
“Just
because I was quiet, didn't mean I wasn't paying attention,” he
offered before digging into his appetizer again. I decided to give it
a try. After all, it was a little criminal to waste such delicious
food and I was a cop's daughter after all. I flaked off a little of
the bread and daintily placed it in my mouth. It wasn't so bad, I
decided, if I kept to small amounts and I could feel my appetite
making itself known. Jasper was right, I needed to eat. But then
another thought occurred to me and I had to ask.
“Jasper,
how did you even find that ad?” I demanded quietly, laying my fork
back down. “I certainly didn't advertise all over the country, or
even all over the state!”
“Oh,
that's easy,” Jasper didn't bother setting his utensil down, but
did pause in eating to answer me. “See, a friend sent us-!”
“A
friend of yours sent you that ad?” I nearly shrieked, mortified
once again. But Jasper's deep laugh had me staring at him in
disbelief.
“No,
silly girl,” he grunted. “Darlin', nothing in that ad screams
that Bella Swan wrote this, and I had no clue that it was you until,
well, you know. No, what I was trying to explain was that a friend of
ours knew that we were interested in expanding our operation and sent
us an article on a bull that we might be interested in buying. Your
ad happened to be on the back.”
“Oh,”
I sat back in my seat. “So you really are in town for business.”
“I
am,” he agreed, “though I thought that I could kind of feel
things out while I was here.”
“How
long are you here for?” I wondered.
“Ten
days and then I'm heading over to Wyoming,” he told me. I nodded.
That all seemed reasonable. I decided that like Jasper had suggested,
I would just leave the elephant in the room alone and find something
else to talk about.
“So
what's so special about this bull?” I asked. He seemed to love his
family's ranch, the way his eyes had lit up earlier and it seemed
like a safe topic of conversation. But I certainly didn't expect him
to set his fork down and reach into his suit jacket to remove a
folded up bit of newspaper. I was stunned for a moment, before
gasping out, “you're carrying that around with you?”
He
eyed me for a moment, a slight flush coloring his cheeks for once.
“What you wrote really touched me Bella,” he told me softly and I
could hear the conviction in his voice.
“Oh,”
was all I could say in response to the naked emotion in his voice.
I
reached out my hand, not at all surprised to see that it was
trembling slightly and took the newsprint that he proffered. I
carefully opened it up to find that it was my ad that had been folded
up with care and with just a glance at the words that had brought
Jasper back into my life, turned it over and concentrated on the
moderately sized picture of a rodeo bull. I began reading about the
exploits of this animal in and out of the rodeo ring and the owners
own partial life story. Without meaning to, I began nibbling at my
appetizer again while I read. By the time I finished the article, I
was very surprised to find that there was nothing left on my plate. I
set my fork on the plate and glanced up to find Jasper watching me.
“So
you're interested in buying a retired rodeo bull?” I wondered and
Jasper nodded.
“Obviously
not for riding,” he explained, leaning back in his seat. “But
Pete's been interested in raising some prize bull's along with our
horses, and getting into the business. We've already dabbled a bit in
local charities and such. So when the opportunity came up to buy this
bull, we jumped on it. He's sired some big names and if we breed him
back to our own registered cattle, we can look forward to some good
calves that we can raise up specifically for rodeo events.”
I
nodded. While not an avid follower of rodeos, I had seen a bit of it
thanks to my father watching occasionally when there was no other
sporting event on that interested Charlie. As a teen, I had been
affronted by what I had considered to be cruelty to the animals and
when I had said as much, Charlie had given me a short lesson on the
animal maintenance standards that were enforced in these situations.
After that, I had pretty much learned to keep my mouth shut about
things I didn't know much about.
“Doesn't
the bull have to have both the sire's and the mother's, well, good
breeding lines?” I blushed slightly at the topic, since I wasn't
very knowledgeable. “I mean, can it only be on the father's side?”
Jasper
seemed to understand what I was getting at and shook his head. “A
calve can definitely have a famous mother, but that doesn't carry as
much weight as the sire's name. If a cow has bred winner after
winner, then she'd certainly make a name for herself. But generally
speaking bulls are bred, looking for the sire's qualities since it's
accepted that the male qualities breed to males and the females to
females, if you get what I mean.”
“So
if you were looking for something specific in a young female cow,”
I began.
“A
heifer,” Jasper corrected me with a small smile.
“A
heifer,” I allowed a grin back, “then you'd look at the mother's
lines?”
“Yup,”
Jasper nodded, “that's about the way of it. It can get a little
more complicated, but that's pretty much it.”
I
was about to ask him why his step brother was so interested in
getting into the rodeo business, but it was that moment that Wendy
came back with bags in hand and a wonderful aroma emanating from
them. Before I could even think to grab my purse, Jasper had deftly
slipped her a credit card.
“Jasper!”
I protested but he just held up his hand.
“I'm
not arguing about this, please just accept that I'm buying dinner,”
he announced. There was a determined glint in his eye. I sat back in
my chair and crossed my arms and then laughed a little.
“All
right,” I grinned. “Since we discussed your ranch, then you
should pay so that you can have the receipt and you can write this
dinner off as a business expense.”
Jasper's
eyes widened and he spoke. “I can do that?”
I
had to laugh again at his disbelief. “Yes, technically speaking,
you can. We discussed the business that you're here for, that makes
it a business dinner. I'm an accountant, i know this stuff.”
“Well,
if I'd known that, then I would have used my business card,” Jasper
chuckled. “Oh well, too late now.”
Before
I could then reiterate my protest at his paying for the meal that I
had arranged, Jasper asked me, “so are you ready to go?” He rose
from his seat and moved to retrieve the hat that he'd placed on the
wall of hooks and returned to stand by the table. Realizing that I
should probably retrieve my coat, I stood as well and retrieved my
long coat. Jasper took it from me and despite any protests I might
have offered, acted the gentleman by holding it for me as I pushed my
arms into the sleeves. With the wind that was kicking up earlier, I
was glad that I had grabbed it.
Wendy
returned then with Jasper's card and bill and he leaned over the
table to sign it before handing it back to Wendy and sliding the card
into his pocket. He picked up the bags and with his hand at the small
of my back, gently guided me to the front door.
“So,
which hotel are you staying at?” I asked as we neared the front
door. He told me and I nodded. “I actually know where that one is.”
“Well,
I'm glad about that,” Jasper told me as he opened the door for us.
I was a little sad to lose the warmth of his hand on me, even through
our clothes and I desperately tried to make myself focus. This wasn't
the end of a nice date. This was the possible start of a business
arrangement between the two of us. A very personal, emotional
business arrangement. I glanced up at him once more. “I uh, kinda
got lost on the way over here, which is part of the reason why I was
late. Sorry about that.”
“Theres
no need to be sorry,” I assured him. “Seattle's grown and changed
quite a bit.”
“It
surely has,” he agreed. “Maybe I can follow you back to the hotel
then, since you've a better idea of where you're going.”
“That
would be fine,” I agreed. I headed towards my car, digging the keys
out of my purse. I unlocked the door and Jasper pulled it open for
me. I climbed in and looked up at him. “What are you driving?” He
gestured down the street towards another car.
“Char
got me a Mercedes reserved for this portion of my trip,” he
chuckled. I looked at the car and from the little I could see, it was
a sleek, fast looking vehicle. I nodded and said, “all right, I'll
take it easy on you and see you in a few minutes then, I guess.”
“I
was planning on parking in the underground lot tonight,” he
informed me, “instead of the street lot, so why don't we go ahead
and meet in the lobby?”
“That's
fine by me,” I nodded. Jasper checked to make sure that I was all
tucked in before shutting my door. I watched him head down to his car
and climb in before hastily pulling on my seatbelt and starting up my
own car. When I saw his lights come on, I started easing out of my
parking spot and down the street. He pulled out right behind me and
dimmed his headlights so I wouldn't be blinded by them in my rear
view mirror.
Surprisingly,
there were no more butterflies or knots of anxiety in my stomach.
Instead there was a feeling that I wasn't quite sure what to name, or
even how to explain. This evening had started out with such
expectations and now, well now, I just didn't know what to think.
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