Title: Quarantine
Author: Restive Nature
Disclaimer: I do not own Dark Angel. This show belongs to Fox and Cameron/ Eglee. No infringement is intended and this fiction is for reading pleasure only.
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Dark Angel
Type: humor
Pairing: Max/ Alec
Summary: The Zoonoses are loose! The Zoonoses are loose!
Spoilers/ Time line: Post "Freak Nation".
Feedback: Always welcome.
Distribution: Ask first, please.
A/N: I do not endorse cruelty to animals! Or people. Or dog people! Just... no!
Quarantine
"So how did it go?" Max asked anxiously, her eyes boring intently in on Alec's face as he sat across from her, her rickety old desk between them in her office she'd taken over in the Terminal City headquarters.
"It wasn't bad," Alec assured her calmly, leaning back in the seat, causing the four legged kitchen chair that was the best they could come up with for her visitors, to rock back to only two. One of his arms hung down by his side while the other rested on his lap. Naturally, he wasn't as concerned as Max was about their friend. It wasn't like this hadn't happened before. But it was different now, here in Terminal City where there were a lot more people in a lot more close quarters. They didn't want this problem spreading and it could happen so quickly. And they just weren't equipped to deal with it, yet.
"And you didn't upset him?" Max continued her grilling of her second in command. She would have taken on this mission herself, but had gotten caught up in some last minute details of a heist and couldn't get away. Since Alec was already up to speed on that end of things, he had volunteered. Max had worried about the alacrity with which he had volunteered. But the matter had to be dealt with immediately. And so with threats and glares, she had sent Alec off to impart the devastating news. Somehow, even hearing that it went well, Alec's words, not hers, did not ease the ache in her chest.
Alec's eyes drifted lower to half mast, one corner of his lips turning up in a mocking smirk. "I just told the guy that on your command, he was to be confined in a house on the outskirts of TC, with no one else to visit, except to bring him food and unfortunately nothing to entertain him and that you wouldn't be visiting because you were too busy with every day mundane details of running our fair city. Yeah, it went over just great."
"Alec!" Max protested heatedly, her cheeks firing up with a delicate blush. "You didn't-!"
"Relax Max," Alec said as a sound, half-chuckle, half-snort emanated from the back of his throat. Of course, trust him to be enjoying this situation
"What exactly did you say to him?" she demanded, her eyes narrowing thoughtfully.
Alec sighed. Trust Max to leech all the funny out of this situation. There was precious little in Terminal City to amuse the residents and this situation was fraught with possibilities. Not that she would admit that. Oh no, she'd be all tender concern and cooing over the big lunk and 'anything we can do!' and of course roping Alec into it against his much better judgment. But what the hell could one do? She was essentially commander in chief and just something about her personality and... Alec had nothing against him. He knew right from the get go how much Max was attached to him and did everything she could to protect him. He sighed again, his hands coming up to lean his elbows on her desk.
"Look, I told him that the quarantine was necessary because unfortunately, he'd contracted a zoonoses from the infection and we didn't want it spreading to the rest of the population," Alec told her seriously. Max blinked slowly at that, processing the information.
"And he believed you?" she questioned softly. Alec nodded, even though he could see the other question in her eyes. Her mouth opened slightly and his answer was ready. "And what exactly, is a zoonoses?"
"It's when an animal disease is communicable to man," he supplied, his smile threatening his face once more. And from the twitch in her cheek, he could see that she was fighting it as well. But she was obviously better at getting it under control than he was, as she cleared her throat, looked him straight in the eye and said,
"So you basically told Joshua that the dog part of him gave fleas to the human part of him?" How she got it out without cracking up, he just didn't know because he was already snickering again. At least until she leaned forward and her fist flew into his left shoulder.
"Ow! What?"
"Alec, you are such a jerk!" her voice began to rise in what was one of the first indications of a full blown rant. But he was to be happily surprised when instead of following it up with yells, threats and more hitting, she simply pushed her chair back from her desk, rose from her seat and began to stride out of the office. Wondering what she was planning, he scrambled after her.
"What?" he demanded again as he hurried after her, making the practiced descent from the upper story with ease. "I did exactly what you told me to do. Get him out of that apartment until we could get the bug spray and quarantine him away from everyone else so the problem wouldn't spread."
"Yeah," she huffed as she made it to the front door, wrenching it open, before hurtling herself through. "And in the process, probably terrified Joshua into thinking he's gonna kick the bucket or make everyone else sick as a..."
"Dog?" Alec provided, swiftly holding his hands up as she reared on him for his seemingly poor taste of a joke. Apparently Max decided that she had more important things to do than give him his daily beat down.
Walking as fast as she was, it didn't take them long to reach the house that they had found for Josh to occupy during his unfortunate second bout with fleas. Josh had been fully prepared to stay where he was and deal with the fleas until such a time that powder and remedies could be brought in, but everyone had seen the strain the constant itching and creepy crawlies was making on the transhuman. And the fact that nobody wanted to visit. And then there was the fact that he was contracting minor skin infections from scratching at the itches. And that was using up some of their precious medical supplies. So finally, someone had suggested that Joshua immerse himself as long as possible in a portable tank just outside his house, to try and kill off the fleas and then move immediately to a new, non-infested area. He had, but luck was not with him.
No one quite counted on the dratted little fleas that had nested in Joshua's hair, the thick mane making the perfect little hiding spot. And so Josh was stuck, in another house, another bout of the itches, albeit not as bad as it had been before.
He had been able to drown most of them off and people were trying to procure the flea powder needed. But it was just a temporary fix until they figured out where else the fleas were coming from.
Alec hastened after Max until she came to break in one of the roads. He smirked to see the indecision on her face and finally, taking a sort of pity on her, gestured to their right.
“I knew that!” she snapped at him, storming down the road that led to Joshua's new quarters. Temporary, she was probably assuring herself, as Alec started up a commentary in his head, amusing himself as he exaggerated Joshua's low droned grunting way of speaking and interspersing it with Max's high pitched falsetto that honestly, she'd never reached in real life. Even as much as she had screamed at Alec. She actually had a fairly pleasant voice, not that you'd know it by Alec. Even when she tried to cajole him, it usually ended up coming out in gritted, clenched tones.
Alec slowed his steps as they neared the lonely row of houses that had been deemed uninhabitable at the moment. They needed a lot of work done to be kept from falling down around any trannies head that tried to inhabit them. They'd had to pick the best of the lot for Joshua and instantly he'd received some old posts someone had torn from another house, to brace up the ceiling in the main living area. Alec felt kind of bad about that. That Joshua couldn't even leave his room. It reminded him, a little too much, of course, of their cells back in Manticore.
But he assured himself, that should Joshua absolutely really need to leave, he could do so. They hadn't like, padlocked the door or anything. It was just temporary. Maybe a long temporary, but not at all permanent.
Max however, did not seem to have any hang-ups about hanging back from the dilapidated housing and marched right up to the front door. She seemed about to knock when she glanced over her shoulder. She tilted her head, her lips thinning to hard lines as she jerked her chin up. Alec narrowed his eyes and shook his head in the negative. He'd already done his duty, he figured. Why go there again?
“Alec!” she hissed softly. “Get your ass up here and explain the truth to Joshua.”
“What truth?” he scoffed, even though he knew exactly what she wanted.
“If you don't get up here,” Max began and Alec rolled his eyes. Here they went with the threats again. “I will have you on KP duty for the next month.”
“Aside from ruining my manicure, thus by necessitating a need for more hand lotion, what's that going to accomplish?” Alec snorted, already used to that threat.
“Oh right,” Max frowned. “We already can't handle your lotion requests. Guess it works for more than moisturizing, huh?” There was an odd glint in her eyes and Alec was surprised once he realized what she was insinuating. He chuckled at her. She couldn't even say the words out loud.
“Got a city full of hot, super powered chicks, some more horny than I am,” Alec threw back at her. “Lotion's nice, but believe me, not necessary.”
“It will be when I get through with your reputation,” Max countered and Alec pretended to quake in his boots.”
“You might be leading this whole shebang, but your credibility on that score?” Alec taunted. “Not the greatest Ms. Ice Queen.”
The reminder of her hated nickname among the older transgenics made Max flinch, just slightly. But then she rounded on him once more.
“Fine, KP won't cut it?” she snarled. “I'll have you pulling toilet duty for six weeks.”
“Again, Max,” Alec shook his head, smiling playfully at her puny threats. “We live in a city full of geniuses who very quickly figured out that it doesn't pay to mess up the sewage system. Maintenance gets maybe three calls a month about that shit. And they usually have it resolved before the boys even get there.”
Max huffed several times, her eyes darting around and Alec crossed his arms over his chest. Truthfully, he had no real problem telling Joshua the truth about what he had said. The big guy would go ahead and isolate himself anyways. This had just sped the process up by quite a bit.
“Fine,” Max smiled then. A predatory smile, disguised as her usual pleasantry. The corner of Alec's mouth lifted as he waited for her next idea. He was hoping that she would come up with something interesting. He had no clue why she even started their dances anymore with this lameness. But instead of facing off with Alec, she did something totally unexpected.
She pulled from her hip pocket, a cell phone. She pressed a few buttons and then lifted the phone to her ear. Alec was standing far enough away that he couldn't hear the other end of the conversation, but he wasn't quite sure that he was going to get close enough to firing distance of her fists.
“Hey, it's me,” she announced when obviously, the other party had picked up. Her tone was friendly and conciliatory and Alec was quite sure that she was talking with her sweetie bear, her wheeled wonder, her Logie bear. He rolled his eyes again. “Hey, you remember what we were talking about? That other night?” Alec crossed his eyes and grimaced at her, but Max just calmly gave him her shoulder. “Yeah, that night,” she chuckled and her voice was rife with heavy innuendo.
“Anyway,” Max continued, eying Alec with what he could only think of as undisguised glee and he mock vomited, but instead of wiping the grin from her face, it only deepened. “I was giving it some thought, and I think I've changed my mind.” Her face fell for a moment and then she rallied as Alec smirked again. “Yes, I'm serious!” She paused and she pursed her lips. “Really. Look, I am so serious that I'll even tell you where the stash is.”
Alec cocked his head at that. Max had a stash? Stash of what? Chardonnay and pre-pulse music?
“I do so!” Max argued then and Alec grinned to think that she was reamin' on Logie-bear now. “The first is under the garage on C street,” her eyes flew to his and her smile was wicked. Something about what she was saying started to niggle at Alec's mind. “And the second is in the broken down fridge and freezer set in the science building with the broken nasty sign on-!”
Suddenly it dawned on Alec exactly what stash Max was talking about. Leaping forward, up the porch, he tried to wrench the phone from Max's grip.
“That's my stash!” he yelled. Well, at least that's what he told himself. He was not whining! “You leave my booze alone! And how the hell did you know?”
“Jeez Alec!” Max tried valiantly to fight Alec off, twist out of his grip and carry on her conversation, all with only a minimum of success. “I told you so,” she yelled triumphantly into the phone. “I was with him on all those heists. Of course I would want to know where he put it all!”
“You followed me?” Alec gasped, his hands stilling in their squeeze around her waist. Neither realized it, or seemed to anyway, that they were in danger of falling through several rotten boards, but Joshua, who had finally given in to his curiosity, was standing at the closest window, watching his friends usual merry-go-round of flirtation with one another. He tapped on the window and when both transgenics slowly turned their heads to give him their attention, he pointed down. Comically, to Joshua's point of view, they both glanced down and in perfectly accorded steps, danced out of the way of danger, neither one relinquishing their hold on what they deemed important. Alec of Max and Max of her phone.
“Yes, I do know where the third stash is,” Max grinned and Alec renewed his struggle to grab the phone away from her, now that they were on slightly safer ground. “But hey, before I forget,” she paused, as did Alec, wondering what the hell she was up to now. “Did we ever find anybody to take the next rotation at the daycare?” She paused theatrically and Alec could hear Mole on the other end, babbling about how busy he was and Alec knew exactly what Mole was thinking. Max was going to tempt Mole into volunteering, in exchange for the big stash of all the alcohol that Alec had manage to steal, smuggle, make and otherwise procure for Terminal City. But Alec knew better. Max was more evil minded than that.
“Don't even think it,” he snarled harshly in her ear. “I am not babysitting those stinky, nasty, noisy minions from hell. Never again!”
“They're babies Alec!” Max had just the right amount of indignant outrage in her voice, but it didn't fool him. He knew exactly what they were like and knew she agreed, because she had called them that first. Well, the minions from hell part, anyway.
At that point, Max kicked out, and Alec instinctively shifted his stance. But the backwards kick he had been expecting never materialized. Instead, she had kicked open Joshua's door and then spun them so that Alec was in the doorway.
“What the hell are you doing?” he muttered, trying not to be thrust into the house. No way in hell was he going through another bout of squash the fleas!
“Yeah, well,” Max was speaking into the phone again. “Alec lost a bet and he either gets to spend the next two weeks on crèche duty, or...” she paused dramatically and Alec immediately let her loose. Now he had her number.
“Oh fine,” he snorted as he rolled his eyes. “I'll tell him the truth.”
“What truth?” Joshua asked, his voice muffled as he hung back as far as he could. “Alec not supposed to be here. Quarantine.”
“You already had your chance,” Max sniffed, her head held high. “So now, you get to keep Joshua company. Your choice Alec. You're on duty one way or another.”
Alec's eyes widened in horror. Joshua and the fleas, or the snotty nosed, escape artist babies. Easy peasy. He spun around and lapped the big man on the shoulder. “Josh, buddy, feel like having a roommate for a few days.”
“Uh uh!” Joshua protested immediately. “Alec get zoonoses. Not good. Uh uh, not good at all!”
“No worries, buddy boy,” Alec thought fast. “Uh, I've already been exposed and nothing, so um, no worries. See...” and then he realized just how to get his revenge. “But I'm worried about Max, because well she was so nice to walk me over, but well, she's been exposed mow too. So I'm afraid-,” he broke off and threw Max the smarmiest smile in his arsenal, but somehow she looked woefully unaffected.
Max simply reached in to grasp the doorknob of the door she had so theatrically broken in. “Oh no worries, Alec, honey!” She smiled up at Joshua. “Remember, zoonoses are only communicable to man. I'm a woman. It's all good!” And with that, she slammed the door shut on Alec's stunned, disbelieving face.
Alec stared at the door, horrified, especially as a little niggling sensation started creeping up the back of his neck and-
“No! No scratching!” Joshua howled, yanking Alec's hands down and wrapping him in a bear hug as the itch spread rapidly over Alec's entire head. He could almost weep with the thought of having to shave his head to get rid of the nasty little buggers.
“Yeah,” Max's voice floated back to him as he internally swore bloody revenge on the woman that had outsmarted him at long last. “Look, scratch that. It seems Alec has picked up Josh's fleas, so I've had to quarantine him as well. No, we'll find someone else for the crèche. I know that Marina thought she would give it a try, we can ask her. No, Alec will be fine. Joshua knows what to do. Just as long as he's careful, then I'm sure those zoonoses won't be a problem, will they Alec?” she raised her voice so that he was sure to hear. And even as he swore up a blue streak, secretly admiring her for her moxie, he was planning his revenge. And it would be sweet. Especially when he heard that bitch give up the third location of his stash.
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