Title: Making The Best Of A Bad Situation
Author: Restive Nature (aka Bavite)
Rating: PG-13 for some violent references
Disclaimer: I do not own the characters of Buffy The Vampire Slayer. They belong to Joss Whedon. Nor do I own the characters or settings of Dark Angel. They belong to Cameron/ Eglee.
Timeline/ Spoilers: Takes place in the Dark Angel (season 2) timeline and makes the assumption that Anya stayed with the Vengeance demons instead of choosing the Scoobies after Season Six.
Summary: An unusual case arises in the world of Vengeance.
A/N: This was written for the TtH Fic-for-all. Pairing #392 Anya/ Alec (Dark Angel).
Making The Best Of A Bad Situation
“Okay, so run that by me again,” Alec muttered, squinting hard at the woman that had appeared on his doorstep that morning. She was quite the looker, with tight fitting slacks and a professional-ish but very stylish white and black checkered blouse. She was blonde, just like he liked. She was female, also as he liked. But she was talking. And that didn’t seem to be a good thing. In either of their opinions.
The blonde bit back a frustrated sigh. Why did all the cute ones have to be incredibly dense? “All right, from the top,” she barked, her hands on her hips. “You are Alec McDowell, correct?” He nodded. “You are somewhat of a ladies man are you not?” Another nod. “Then I don’t see what is so hard to grasp about this.”
“Yeah,” Alec grimaced, talking slowly. “See, my problem is this. I know who I am. I know what I am. What I don’t know is who you are and what you’re about. You’ve given me some cock and bull story about Justice, yet I haven’t seen a Sector Cop badge, Seattle PD, license to carry or anything even remotely to do with Justice. So what the hell do you want?”
“I’ve told you,” the blonde growled. “I’m not with that Justice Department. Mine’s a little,” her eyes darted to the side, a sure sign to Alec that she was fudging something here. “A little more difficult to explain.”
“All right,” he shrugged. “Tell me about your assignment and I’ll tell you why you have no business being here.” If he were just an ordinary citizen and not a transgenic killing machine, he might have crossed his fingers for luck. But he wasn’t about to indulge in silly superstitions to get him out of a potentially dangerous situation.
“It’s simple,” the blonde huffed. “There have been complaints registered about your behavior towards a number of women. My superiors dispatched me to investigate the claims and to mete out punishment if necessary. Unfortunately, there is substantive evidence in place for each and every one of the complaints made. But the punishment is different for each complaint.”
“Complaint,” Alec shook his head. “What kind of complaints?” He was starting to get just the tiniest bit flustered and that was not a good thing. “And from whom? We’re talking about women?”
“Yes,” the blonde agreed, seemingly happy that he was catching on at last. “Many, many women.”
“Like who?” Alec demanded. He couldn’t imagine that any of the women he knew had reason to complain. Well, aside from one or two very obvious exceptions. But damn, had the blonde just pulled a list from her pocket? She had!
“Women like Little Suki and Marianne, Lux, who was a delight to talk to, I might add,” the blonde drawled, her perfectly manicured nail trailing down a very long list. “She’s very inventive I’ve noticed. And we had a good talk about orgasms. And then there was Candy, Asha, Mindy, Shoshannah, Kiana, Trini, J.J., Sofia, Chelsea, Brietta, Max” she paused to take a breath, but Alec certainly got the idea as he caught the last name she’d uttered.
“Wait!” he held up a hand to forestall the next round of name the ex girlfriend’s, play toys, one night stands and other women in his life. The blonde glanced up from the list. “Max is in on this? Max Gueverra?” The blonde consulted her list.
“Yes,” she nodded. “That’s right. She’s one of a long list, though her complaint seems to have pre-dated the others.
Alec felt the grin spreading over his face. Now he knew what this was all about. Max was obviously trying in some illogical female way trying to punish him for some imagined crime or other. He’d just never understand the way she thought. And honestly, as nuts as she could get, did he really want to? “Okay, so what is it you’re supposed to do again?” His mind was busy trying to think of way’s to turn this little prank back against his female nemesis.
“Well, as I said,” the blonde continued, waving the list around importantly, “we aren’t really equipped to deal with a situation like this. After much discussion, my superiors decided that I would present the list of young ladies to you, without expounding on the punishments. You can choose one from among them and that will suffice as your punishment. I mean, I can’t quite resurrect you to punish you over and over.”
“Wait,” Alec smirked. “Resurrect? Someone wanted me dead?”
“That was the number one request,” the blonde tittered. “That you would drop dead. Though that’s the most boring punishment I’ve ever had. And let me tell you, after over a thousand years of Vengeance, I’ve seen a lot.”
“Yeah, I can imagine,” Alec answered, slightly tongue in cheek. He was wondering where the hell Max had dug this chick up. She was obviously not playing with a full deck of cards. But again, his mind skipped back to making a plan to have this whole thing blow up in Max’s face. Whatever this plan of hers was. Alec supposed he better figure that out before he proceeded. And there was no better way of getting information out of a woman than a little flattery.
With practiced ease, he moved in closer to the blonde, lowering his voice to a husky timber.” I don’t suppose there’s any way that you could be my punishment, is there? God knows I need a good… spanking.”
But instead of having to contend with a feminine puddle of goo like he expected, Alec found himself being appraised, much like a hunk of top sirloin steak. The blonde was nodding, her eyes cold and calculating.
“That’s doable,” she agreed. “Max wasn’t very specific with her punishment, but she did mention something about me and you.” She paused and tilted her head back even further. “Is that your choice then? You choose Max’s punishment?”
Alec hesitated a moment. Perhaps it was best to just get this over with. At least he was in the privacy of his own apartment. And he knew that this woman wasn’t a fellow transgenic. So whatever she tried, if he didn’t like it, he could easily counter it. “All right,” he caved. “I choose Max’s punishment.”
And then Alec realized that he couldn’t be more wrong in his life. Because suddenly, where there had been a lovely curvaceous blonde, was now an anomaly of the freakiest kind. He gulped heavily as her voice rasped out “done!”
*****
“Who dat Boo?” Original Cindy McEachin asked of her best friend, roommate and co-worker, Max Gueverra. At present, the young woman was staring across the locker area of their common employment, Jam Pony. Original Cindy had followed her gaze and was puzzled to see that Max had been staring at pretty boy Alec and another scrumptious young lady that seemed vaguely familiar.
“Her name is Anya, I think,” Max answered, scrunching her nose up in distaste. She turned to her friend. “She came up to me at Crash the other night, asking if I knew Alec.”
“The one that kept on and on about her boy that left her at the altar?” OC demanded. Max nodded and OC let out a heartfelt sigh. “Shame she didn’t listen to you and back off da boy. More shame that she not playin’ for the home team. She damn fine.”
Max smiled as her friend once again made clear her most definite preference for the ladies. “Actually, she was more interested in what I’d do to Alec if I could, for all the crap he’s pulled.”
“And what’d you tell her?” Cindy smiled. She knew that Max wasn’t all that imaginative when it came to stuff like that. She was much too direct. And if Cindy remembered correctly, and she knew she did, Max had already landed her revenge on a certain sensitive portion of Alec’s anatomy.
“That I’d already taken care of the matter,” Max shrugged, but inwardly relished the memory of having done exactly that. She’d really taken care of the pesky problem of Alec. But he’d deserved it, for calling her a bitch.
“But?”
“But she just wouldn’t give up,” Max half-shrugged. “I think I said something about siccing her on Alec. I mean, geez, she talks just as much as he does.” Both women smiled as they heard the woman, Anya’s strident voice ring out across the room.
“And then can you imagine, after I was all dressed, he just walked out on me! I mean, I had to go out and tell all of his drunken relatives that there wasn’t going to be a wedding after all. And I had to return all those lovely gifts. Although I didn’t mind returning the ugly ones. But I should have had some compensation for putting up with all that. And for losing my orgasm partner!”
Max and Original Cindy exchanged glances and smiled at one another.
“So some nice little fairy came along and granted yo wish, huh?” Cindy teased her friend.
Max took in the slightly ill look of her nemesis. He was squeezing his eyes tightly shut, trying to tune out the incessant drone of the blonde beside him. “Yup,” she grinned. “They’re a match made in hell!”
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