Fiction What's That Do?

Title: What’s That Do?

Author: Restive Nature (aka Bavite)

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I do not own the rights to Buffy The Vampire Slayer or It. They belong respectively to Whedon and Stephen King.

Genre: Crossover of Buffy The Vampire Slayer and It.

Type: Stand Alone

Timeline/ Spoilers: Season Two, Ep “Innocence” for Buffy and none really for It, aside from the fact that I kind of went with the television representation of things.

Summary: Xander managed to overcome his fear of clowns, but what about killer clowns that transform into spiders?

A/N: This is for the TtH Fic-for All. Pairing # 2050 Xander/ It

What’s That Do?

Xander hated this dream. He knew it. He remembered it. He hated it with a passion. He glanced down at himself, expecting to see the younger version of himself that he always was when he had this dream. But surprisingly enough, he was still teen Xan-man. At least he was dressed. Because boy, if he had to confront this thing naked… That was just badness all around.

And soon enough, the fair playground that he was sitting on began to darken as the sun disappeared. The wind picked up and Xander stood up. He was resigned to what would happen. And just seconds before the tap on his shoulder that always signaled the nightmare to begin, Xander spun around.

There was surprise on the thing’s face, but only for a moment. “Xander,” the thing hissed, somehow sounding like a snake, even though Xander knew it wasn’t. It just had this hissing, menacing thing going on.

“Pennywise,” Xander returned, picking the creature’s name from the recesses of his brain. He could almost believe that he sounded as suave as Bond, of the James kind. Almost but for the clicking of one scared knee against the other.

“You’ve grown Xander,” the clown leered at the young man. There was an evil glint in his eyes. “But all the more for me to eat.”

“Eat?” Xander demanded, all of a sudden incredulous. “What is it with things trying to eat me? First you and then giant preying Mantis lady and now you? When do I ever get a break?”

“You should know better by now Xander,” Pennywise chuckled. The clown reached out with one gloved hand and poked at Xander’s middle. “All those doughnuts have been sweetening you up.” But apparently he’d said just the wrong thing as Xander smacked his hand away.

“Hands of the fat roll bub!” Xander stood up straighter. Somehow, he wasn’t afraid of this beast anymore. After all, he’d already stood up to his clown fear a year ago, and triumphed. “You don’t scare me you big… big Nazi Clown Jerk!” He crossed his arms over his chest, just waiting for the thing to disappear, once and for all. But after another moment of surprise on the clown’s face, a feral grin came to replace it.

“Well if clowns don’t scare you anymore, maybe this will?”

*****         

“Oh look,” Willow cooed, gesturing quickly to Buffy. The petite blonde Slayer hurried into the living room with the popcorn she’d gone to get. It was cheesy horror movie night and they were only two videos into the evening. And yet Xander hadn’t been able to resist the sleep fairy.

“What is it Wills?” she asked quietly as she took her seat on the sofa. Willow pointed at where Xander had piled himself onto the floor amid pillows and junk food.

“He’s dreaming,” Willow giggled. Buffy smiled in return.

“Good dream or bad dream?”

“Don’t know,” Willow shrugged, accepting the bowl of popcorn. “He was frowning, and then he smiled, then he frowned again. Oh look, now he’s grinning.”

Buffy glanced back and forth between her two best friends, and then shook her head. “Wills, you observe way too much.”

*****          

Xander could feel his eyes getting almost as big as saucers as the clown disappeared to become a gigantic, humungous, larger than should be legally possible… spider.

But wait! Did he have a spider fear? He didn’t think so. But looking at this spider, he knew he could rapidly develop one.

“So Xander,” Pennywise hissed once more at him. “What are you going to do, you scared scrumptious little boy?”

Well, first he was going to choke on his own saliva. He did that very well. Then he was going to laugh hysterically as his brain played out several vivid fantasies of dying at the pincers of this spider demon. And then he was going to wonder why he was also thinking about those stupid bracelet’s he’d seen on some kids with the letters WWJD on them. Oh, he knew perfectly well what the letters stood for. What Would Jesus Do? Well, as he and Willow liked to privately joke, since Buffy was their savior, maybe they should have bracelets that said WWBD?

But then it occurred to him. What would Buffy do? Well, for one, she’d slay the big bad spider. And even as he thought it, he saw the perfect solution. In seconds, he’d lifted open the crate that had appeared as if by magic at his feet.

The bazooka weighed barely anything to him, he was just so glad to see it. He carefully sighted in on the head of the spider and through the scope; he could see the poisonous fangs moving up and down as the words filtered to his ears.

“What’s that do?”

*****          

“Oh, he’s smiling again,” Willow cooed once more. She ignored the drool running down her friends face, deciding that despite the ick factor, it was kind of cute.

“Oh shh!” Buffy shushed her, both girls completely ignoring the video in favor of getting teasing material on their Xander shaped friend. “I think he’s going to say something.” And sure enough he did.

“Big gun make loud noise,” he mumbled in his sleep. “Make spidey go bye bye!”

The two girls exchanged amused glances as the still sleeping Xander smacked his lips contentedly. They giggled as once more Xander rolled over; content in his own fantasy world, that once again, the day was saved.