Chapter One
His Loss
"Angel, wait!" Buffy yelled as she skirted a parked car and hurried after her former love. He was storming towards his latest acquisition, the offices of Wolfram and Hart. Not that his intentions were bad, but he needed to get away from her. He just couldn’t listen to any explanation about why she had chosen Spike over him.
He cursed inwardly, calling himself all kinds of an idiot. A month ago, when Spike had appeared, naked and trembling in the Wolfram and Hart chamber, Angel noticed the change in him immediately. Spike was human. He was also scared and determined to run, hide. He’d been convinced that Buffy didn’t love him. But Angel knew better. She’d told him herself that Spike was in her heart. But Angel had gambled on another of her determinations. She needed to find herself. And she thought that maybe someday… Angel winced as pain lanced through his undead heart. That someday would never appear.
He’d gambled and lost. He’d convinced Spike to let him contact Buffy. He’d arranged her to meet him in LA. But when she’d arrived and Spike stepped out of the shadows of the alley, Angel still felt a glimmer of hope. Buffy was thrilled that her friend and ally was alive, that his sacrifice had been rewarded. Angel was jealous naturally. But it was a part of his nature that he’d long ago learned to accept.
That’s when the vampires had attacked. The number’s had risen in LA ever since the things undead had sensed the First Evil on the move. Those who didn’t stay to serve it, and there were many, had run. And they gravitated to Los Angeles. They were still close to the Hellmouth and had plenty of victims for their unholy crimes.
But seeing the Slayer and her two Vampiric lapdogs was too much to resist. Buffy and Spike had shut the Hellmouth down, and survived the process. It was too much of an insult to the evil undead to let slide. They converged, all fifteen of them, and Buffy and Angel naturally moved to protect the now human Spike. He’d surprised them all, including himself. The Powers That Be weren’t done with him yet. By the end of the fight, they all knew. There was a new Slayer in town, as big, as bad as the Chosen One, Buffy Summers. And that Slayer was William the Bloody.
The knowledge rushed over Angel’s consciousness, but refused to seep into his pores. Buffy and Spike. Angel yanked hard on the entrance door to his newest offices, glad for the reinforced steel. He entered the cool building, still hearing the staccato click of Buffy’s shoes right behind him. The personnel shrank from him as he stalked his way through the floors to reach his office. They could feel the waves, of pain, anguish, betrayal and desperation rolling off him. And no one was brave enough to be on the receiving end of any displacement of his anger.
Angel had reached the sanctuary of his office, but before he could slam the door shut, Buffy’s hand shot out and caught it. He pushed and she held the battle of power and will evenly matched. Angel finally gave up. Even after all this, he still loved the diminutive woman. As much as he wanted her to hurt as he did, he knew he would never do so deliberately. He stepped back and turned away from the accusing dark green eyes. Eyes that he always felt that he could drown in.
"Come to twist the knife a little more?" he taunted.
"Damn it Angel!" Buffy swore. She was really starting to become angry with her former lover. Before she could say more, there was a knock on the door and a young woman popped her head in.
"Mr. Angel," she began quietly, a little unsure of herself. "I need to-!"
"Not now," Angel interrupted tersely. The girl, Sarah, his secretary, bit her lip and opened the door a little wider.
"But sir, we have-!"
"He said not now!" Buffy growled. She pushed the young woman out the door and shut it with a hard click. She pressed her head against the wood for a moment, trying to gather her strength and wits. She finally turned her gaze to the man who’d always been such a big part of her life. "Angel, I’m not here to hurt you."
"Could’ve fooled me," he snorted. She frowned at him, trying to be mature. But he was beyond behaving as a rational adult. It was an unexpected and disconcerting role reversal.
"Damn it all Angel!" she yelled. "I’m doing exactly what you told me to do. I’m living my life, growing up, and taking happiness where I can find it. You swore to me that you wanted my happiness and now that I find it, you want me to throw it all away?"
"What about my happiness?" he demanded, in a rage. "Did you ever think that in your rush to prove to Spike that you trusted him, that you took away my last chance?" He had stunned her, he knew that. And his wailing, anguished soul relished that truth.
"What do you mean?" she finally whispered.
"All these years Buffy," he sighed. He could feel tears threaten as the despair rushed over him. "I left because I couldn’t give you the things you deserved. I wanted your life to be beautiful, not filled with darkness all the time. So I walked away. But every waking moment, my heart broke for you, bled for you. I existed and I survived for you. And little by little, I managed to pull myself together. But everything about you was bound up inside me. Then I found my shot at redemption. A way to atone for the sins of my past. It was a way back to you, to be the man you needed me to be. But instead, you pushed me away and gave it to Spike." Angel collapsed in his desk chair, one broad hand covering his eyes. He breathed slowly, chanting nonsensical words inwardly, anything to try and desperately not break down in front of her.
Buffy, completely stunned by his revelation, groped her way to a chair and thankfully sank into it. "The amulet?" she gasped, suddenly understanding why it had made it’s way to Angel’s possession.
"Yeah, the amulet," he parroted morosely. He sighed and pushed back from his desk to look at her intently.
"Why didn’t you tell me?" she asked, her voice child-like.
"Because," he paused. He didn’t know how much more he could take. "Because I didn’t know that it was my one chance. I didn’t know that you’d give it to Spike. I didn’t know that it would become his redemption and not mine. I didn’t know that you would take that away from me." Her anguished eyes grew larger and she finally retaliated. She shot out of the chair and planted her hands on the desk, her face inches from his.
"Don’t you dare put this on me Angel," she hissed. "If you had told me about this prophecy in the first place, I would have moved Heaven itself to make it come true. But you didn’t. Once again, wise old man Angel left me out of the loop. Didn’t think I had the right to make a decision about my life! Well it ends here, pal! There is no one to blame but you. I did the best I could with the information I had. I did what I had to do!"
"Just like I did," Angel roared. The entire accusatory circle was running through his mind. He leaned back in his chair, away from the anger in the face he so loved. He knew that they could go on like this for days. But he was so tired of it. "You’re right, Buffy. You’re right and I’m wrong. Now will you please leave?" Buffy straightened up, a slightly puzzled look on her face. The way he’d broken form so quickly disoriented her.
"Angel?" her voice was soft, hesitant.
"Just forget it," he commanded irritably. "There’s nothing left here." He glanced away, tears of self-pity threatening again.
"Oh God, Angel don’t talk that way!" Buffy gasped, her hand reaching out to him, but he flinched away. "Of course there’s something here for you."
"Like what?"
"W-well," she stammered. "What about your son, Connor?" She felt better, hitting upon that. Although the boy’s existence was a shock to her, she knew Angel well enough that he’d never do anything to hurt or endanger the teen.
"I gave him up," came the unexpected answer.
"You what?"
"He was in so much pain," Angel explained softly, his insides twisting. "There was so much he didn’t understand. So I made a deal to find him a normal family. They’re all he remembers now."
Buffy felt a tear slip from the corner of her eye. Her Angel had given up so much out of the goodness of the heart he no longer possessed. It made her so mad sometimes. "Why?" she demanded. He stared at her blankly. "Why do you always give up? You let me go. You let Connor go. What the hell is the matter with you?"
"You wanna know why!" he yelled, jumping to his feet. "Because I love you. Both of you. I love you unselfishly. I let you go and give you up so that you can have the best in your lives. It tears me up every moment of my life, but I do it for love of you and my son." He was so angry he was panting. "But why the hell should that matter? I’m just a vampire, just a monster who-!" His tirade was stopped short by a slap across the face. The force of Buffy’s blow snapped his head back and when she slowly looked at her again, her chest was heaving, tears flowing from her eyes.
"You are not a monster," she hissed, her hands flexing instinctively into fists. They stared at one another, but before either could say a word, the office door slammed open. Gunn, Angel’s friend and employee stood there, a strange expression on his face.
"What?" Angel demanded tersely. Gunn glanced at the petite blonde Slayer and his look changed to understanding.
"I was just wondering why you’re still up here?" he chuckled, now understanding why everyone on the twelfth floor looked as if they were in line to be beheaded.
"Probably because this is my office," Angel sighed. "Where else would I be?" Gunn straightened and glanced behind himself.
"Sarah didn’t tell you then?"
"No she didn’t. Tell me what?"
"A girl showed up in the chamber, about noon," Gunn grinned. He’d been the first one to greet her, nudity and all. Of course, that lasted all of two seconds until she’d handed his ass to him. Then he’d gotten the hell out of there.
"The chamber?" suddenly, Angel was all business.
"What’s going on?" Buffy demanded. She glanced back and forth between the two men. "Angel?" But the set of his determined jaw just told her that she’d get no answer from him.
"The chamber, where Spike reappeared," Gunn informed her.
Buffy took this in. "So why is she there?" Angel moved from behind the desk reluctantly.
"Probably another ensouled vampire turned Slayer," he mocked harshly. "I better go see her."
"I’m going too," Buffy exclaimed, following closely. Angel spun around.
"I don’t think so," he growled. "Isn’t one pet enough?"
"Angel," her tone was full of warning. The silence was heavy.
"Fine," he finally said, knowing that she and her friends had taken it upon themselves to find and guide all the new Slayers in the world. It had become another part of her sacred duty. "Explain what she is and get her out of here." The trio moved to the elevator and once they climbed in and the doors shut, there was a relieved hum over the office as everyone let out their pent up breaths.
Her Cage
No comments:
Post a Comment