Soul Searching
"Caritas, huh?" Max muttered, knowing the vampire would hear her, but not caring. "What kind of place is that?"
"Karaoke bar."
Max whipped her head around to look at him. "Oh no! You’ve got to be kidding me?" Angel smiled his wicked grin. The one that never failed to get women on his side. Or in some cases, panting after him. He glanced at her, noting the true panic on her face.
"It’s okay," he soothed. "You don’t have to sing. I just thought it would be fun to get out. And seeing how my friend Lorne owns the place, it was the first thing I thought of."
"Okay," Max acceded slowly. She watched him for a moment thoughtfully. "Are you going to sing?" She noticed his jaw clench for a moment.
"It has been requested that I only do so in an emergency," he admitted mirthlessly.
"Huh?" Max grimaced. "Okay, missed the logic train on that one."
Angel sighed, wondering what to say to that. He’d been hoping that taking her to Lorne might help her work out some of her problems. But there was no getting by her. So he decided on the truth. "My friend Lorne is a demon." He let that sink in before continuing. "He has a talent for reading souls. But only when people sing. So, when I’ve had a few problems, I visit him."
"And I suppose that while you do a lot of things well, singing is not among them?"
"So I’ve been told."
"That’s okay," she chuckled. "I’ve told you before, and I stand by my word. You have a lot of things going for you. Who the hell cares if you can sing?" Angel grinned right back at her.
They made it to the bar, but oddly enough, Lorne seemed to be nowhere around. They were there for a full half-hour before Angel caught sight of him. Yet the demon seemed inclined not to come over and greet them as he usually did. Angel wondered for a brief moment if Cordy called and warned Lorne not to be obvious in dealing with Max. There wasn’t much he could do about it though. There was a definite, ‘no fighting’ rule in effect at Caritas. Any effort he made to drag the demon over would probably be misconstrued. So he continued to relax and enjoy his evening.
They talked almost non-stop about their days and nights. Work and play. Angel’s true talent in drawing. Max’s astounding abilities in mechanics. And all along the way, there was the running commentary on the singers performing before them. Angel didn’t know that he was ever so witty and caustic in his comments. But they were all designed to entertain Max, just as hers were for him. He was extremely satisfied at how the evening was going, until the mood shifted and she excused herself from the table. Angel didn’t understand at first as he watched her wind her way through the crowd to the bar. Then he heard the familiar strains of Eric Clapton’s ‘Tears In Heaven’. He swore to himself. That was one song Max definitely didn’t need to hear tonight.
Max had heard the now familiar song start up and quickly excused herself. It wasn’t a song that she listened to in her time, but she’d heard it over the radio in this time. And while she’d never paid that much attention to the lyrics before, right now, they struck at her with stunning clarity. She noticed as she leaned against the bar, the green faced horned demon that had to be Lorne sidling up to her. "Beyond the door, there’s peace I’m sure. And I know they’ll be no more, tears in Heaven," she sang along softly. "Would you know my name, if I saw you in Heaven. Would it be the same, if I saw you in Heaven? I must be strong and carry on, cause I know, I don’t belong, here in Heaven." She stopped abruptly and turned to face the newcomer.
"You have a beautiful voice sweetie," he murmured. "But I see why you don’t use it."
"And why is that?" Max scoffed.
"Because it lays you open," Lorne shrugged delicately. He didn’t question why or how she’d made the decision to let him read her. She had and now it was his turn to perform. "And not just to me," he clarified. "It makes you vulnerable and you don’t like that. Moreover, you can’t be like that and survive in your world."
"Damn straight," Max agreed, catching the bartender’s eye as she visibly hardened a little.
"But it’s not your world anymore," he reminded her gently. She shrugged.
"One place is like the next," she defied. "Doesn’t make much difference."
"Oh, but it does," Lorne shook his head. "You wonder why you’ve been brought here. Well here’s my answer. A gift." Max snorted.
"Doesn’t seem like much of one so far," she remarked scathingly.
"You have a gift to give," Lorne continued smoothly. "And a gift to receive."
"Let me guess," Max scowled. "Something wonderfully mysterious and esoteric, like enlightenment, or some crap like that?"
"Possibly," Lorne smiled softly. She’d come pretty close to nailing it on the head. "Do you want to hear the rest?"
"There’s more?" she demanded. He nodded. "All from a couple lines out of a song?" Another nod. "All right. Hit me."
"The prophecy."
"The one on my back?"
"Yes, that one," Lorne clarified. "It’s not a prophecy. It is Angel’s curse. It won’t tell you anything, but it will explain everything."
"You do realize that the whole cryptic thing is annoying, don’t you?"
"Yes." Lorne watched as Max fidgeted, waiting for her beer. It was finally slid across the bar to her and Lorne watched her peeking at him. "It’s okay," he reassured her. "You can ask." Max’s startled glance met his and she bit her lip nervously. She looked back to where Angel sat, calmly watching them both. She turned back to the demon.
"Is he happy?" she whispered, terrified at what she might hear. Lorne smiled at her. Here at last was what she needed to hear.
"Yes Angel cakes, he is," He watched the tension leave her body and tears well up in her eyes. He touched her arm carefully. She turned her head to him.
"Thanks Lorne."
"You’re welcome Max." And then he left her. She played idly with her glass of beer for a moment before resolutely setting her shoulders. She picked up the mug and made her way back to Angel. He was relieved to see that the smile on her face was a little more real than the one she’d plastered on earlier for his and Cordy’s benefit. He let her relax a little more and finish her drink before leaning towards her.
"What do you say we get out of here," he suggested. With one last glance at the demon, Max nodded her assent. And so they left.
Once in the car, Angel was unsure what to do next. It was the time of the evening that he regretted. He didn’t want to drop her off at home, unable to do more than wish her a pleasant evening. And he couldn’t think of where he could take her. But she rescued him easily.
"I think I need some coffee," she muttered. "Do you mind?"
He shook his head. "Did you want to go back to my place?" He quickly realized how that sounded. "Just for coffee," he said swiftly. "Not for anything else. I mean-!"
"Just coffee at your place sounds great, with a large helping of nothing strenuous on the side," she teased. Angel relaxed and smiled at her. He turned in the direction home. They sat quietly for the ride, both needing time to think. He let her into the building and locked up behind them, then led her down to his sparse apartment. He had the coffee going within minutes. She’d shed her coat and was seated on the couch, waiting for him to return. And with a grateful step, he moved to do so, needing more than anything at that moment, another chance to connect with her, as she needed him.
And as the days and weeks passed by, Max was finally able to let the destructive spiral she’d embraced go. It wasn’t, as Cordy thought, due to letting loose in front of Lorne. Or the words he’d said to her. It had been in those final moments, before she’d drifted off to sleep on the couch after a night of talking, in Angel’s comforting arms. The words they’d whispered to each other.
"Is it ever going to get better?"
"It will if you let it."
The Aftermath
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