Gone
Max exited the cab with a beaming grin on her face. She was only moments away from seeing Angel again. The mere thought of it had put her in such a good mood, that she was overly generous in paying off the surly cabdriver. With a mental shrug, she watched the dirty yellow vehicle speed away. With a twitch of pain in her ribs, she reminded herself not to breathe too deeply. She checked the fairly non-existent traffic in the road, then crossed to the Hyperion. She pushed open the door and entered the cool sanctuary the building offered. Fred and Wes greeted her, almost apprehensively, busy researching something. She didn’t have to stretch too far to figure it out. By the looks on their faces, she knew what the topic du jour was. Her and Angel. And their big old night of sex. Max’s grin turned to a smirk the closer she got to them.
It amused her to see Fred blush deeply and duck her head. Wes watched her a moment longer then began to stammer out a greeting. She replied in kind, then leaned against the desk they were both seated at. "So, do I really have to ask what’s up?" she drawled. Normally, she would have shied away from discussing her sex life. But this time around, she could see that with friends like Angel’s there would be very little hidden from anyone. Cordy had been scheming to get them together in some manner and had even gone so far as to use or coerce the others to oblige. With Logan, they’d been in denial so long about their feelings, that when it finally came time to own up to it, other matters had gotten in the way. Namely, her first death. And then the poison in her system, lethal only to him, had prevented them from going any further. Not that they hadn’t tried to find a way around it. But in the end, they’d both admitted that it was pretty much hopeless. Every chance they had, something had gotten in the way.
So now, having learned that tough lesson, Max wasn’t about to let anything get in the way this time. And she, after the previous evening, knew that Angel felt the same way. Life was definitely looking good.
"Well Max," Wes smiled gently, "we’re ah, researching the ramifications of your uh…activities from last night." He glanced away, unsure of how she’d react.
"Yeah," she scoffed good-naturedly. "That seems to be quite the hot topic in my life right now." Wes grit his teeth, not sure what to anticipate. "Don’t worry. No big deal. I understand a little better what everyone is so concerned about." Before she could continue, Gunn emerged from the stairs that led up from Angel’s apartment, pulling the door shut with a sharp click. He glanced up and took in Max’s radiant face with a sigh.
"Hey Max," he greeted softly as he moved towards her.
"Hey Gunn," she returned, slightly wary by his hesitant attitude. "Is everything okay?" He looked startled at the question, which Max catalogued mentally, even at his lame attempt to make her believe that all was well. She studied him a moment longer, before it dawned on her. Angel, the master of brood was probably still feeling some residual guilt. Well, she’d just have to reassure him. But before she could move to his office, she realized that Wes was talking to her.
"I hate to bring this up," he began, "but Max, I was very interested to note that Angel was under the impression that he’d killed you."
"What?" she nearly shrieked, her eyes wide as his statement sank in. "What do you mean? When was this?"
"Well, after the…the, um…act," Wes’ face nearly matched the hot pink of Fred’s shirt. "He informed us that afterwards, you weren’t breathing, that he thought you dead." He glanced down at the desk, unable to look the woman in the face. Max cocked her head to the side, trying to determine exactly what moment Angel had referred to. She also now could pinpoint why he’d probably felt so guilty.
"Ah, that moment," she breathed. It finally clicked in her mind. "Well, see, afterwards, I was pretty sore. I kind of did this old Manticore trick so I could accurately catalogue the extent of my injuries." Three faces perked up at this new information.
"What sort of trick would that be?" Wes’ eyes nearly glowed at learning something new.
"A couple actually," Max chuckled. "Okay, this might embarrass you, but get over it Vampire sex can be rough." She spoke so blatantly that Gunn had to smother a laugh. Fred was blushing to match Wes, but Max bulldozed on. "I let Angel bite me and you obviously know the full extent of that. Plus, I had the concussion and hurt ribs. So, I slowed down my heartbeat. Which meant I would bleed slower, which gave my body a better chance at getting healed up before bleeding to death. Along with that, I was holding my breath, which I can do for a good long while. Again, it slows the bleeding and it let me know if my lungs were in any way damaged from my ribs."
"So naturally, not breathing and no visible pulse, Angel panicked and ran," Fred surmised. Max nodded.
"That’s what I’m guessing," she agreed. "I suppose I’d better go set him straight then." She pulled away from the desk, never noticing Gunn tensing up. She slipped down the stairs; oblivious to the tension she left behind.
Angel sat on his sofa, staring blindly at the emptiness before him. After Gunn had left him, the guilt had settled in even more heavily. The memories of Max as he’d left her, both times, warred in his head. He wished he could rip his tongue straight from his head. The nasty, stupid thing was always leading him into trouble. Well, maybe not his tongue. His brain, warring with his heart. Could he function without a brain? It seemed like these last few years, he had been. Perhaps he had the purest of motives, but he certainly seemed to be pretty stupid in carrying them out. His entire time with Buffy was clear proof of that. Even before they discovered the extent of his curse, their love was doomed. Simply put, immortal vampire, death wish Slayer. And things with Cordelia weren’t much better. He was so romance shy after Sunnydale, that he waited entirely too long before admitting that he’d begun to care about her. And even were she to suddenly regain her memories of the past few years, he doubted that they’d ever recapture those feelings. There were too many things between them.
And of course there was the brief moment in time that was Darla. The most amazing miracle of his unlife had come of that union, instead of the destruction he’d wanted to wreak upon his own life. And now Max. She was definitely cut from a different cloth. Huh? Make that different reality. But there was something in her that reminded Angel of all three of the other women in his recent history. They all had fire and passion and a unique handle on who they were. Which was why Angel was convinced that he had to break it off now. He couldn’t bear to see the light go out of Max as it had in the others. Didn’t want to see her destroy everything he loved about her because of the mess his life was.
He was startled out of his reverie by a soft knock on the door. He groaned quietly. Probably one of his gang checking up on him. His head fell back against the couch. "Come in," he called, knowing that it was better to get it over with rather than constantly sending them away. The door creaked open, then swung shut a moment later. Angel waited for the expected tirade, or cajoling, but it didn’t come. He got what he least expected. An upside down vision of loveliness.
Max laughed as Angel jumped up from the sofa, where she’d leaned over him from behind. "Hey," she greeted softly. He stood, the couch between them, his hands shoved awkwardly in his jean pockets as he regarded her.
"Hey," he finally returned. He looked flummoxed for a moment. "What are you doing here? I thought you were resting at Giles’?"
"Nah," she grinned. "I’m fine. Well, ribs are still sore, but otherwise, I’m good." She moved around the sofa and sat comfortably. Angel stared at her for a moment before returning to his seat. Max pulled her legs up and turned so that she faced him, her legs tucked under her, Indian style.
"I- I’m glad you feel better," he mumbled softly, not looking at her. Max tilted her head, silent warning bells beginning to go off in her head. Something was definitely not right here.
"But you don’t," she went straight to the heart of the matter. "In fact, I bet you feel even worse that you did last night." She didn’t need confirmation, it was written all over his face. After a long moment, he turned slightly towards her.
"Max, last night was… it was amazing," he began shakily. He spared a quick glance at her face and saw the schooled features. Not quite mad, not exactly sad. He had a feeling that she already knew what he was going to say. And she did. As soon as she’d walked in, Max was expecting this. It filled the air, and was larger than both of them. His guilt. And it nearly made her sick that even though he was doing this, she felt the need to make it easier for him. She cared enough about him, even loved him to want to take this burden from him. So she did.
"You know, it really was," she smiled. "It was fantastic. But like I said before. No harm, no foul. I mean, it was sweet, all that stuff you said at Giles’, but we both know the score. You’ve got you’re curse to deal with and this was probably some sort of one time fluke. You know? So, you know, it might be better in the long run just to not bother." She forced her face to remain calm, her breathing easy and relaxed. "Still friends though, right?"
Angel nodded; slightly dumbfounded that she was taking it so well. Suspicion grew in his mind. Had it not meant as much to her as he’d assumed it had? Even if that were true, he honestly couldn’t take the chance of it happening again. So he gave in. "Yeah, still friends." She beamed at him. And he felt his heart crack just a little more. That was that.
"Well, since that’s taken care of, I gotta blaze," she grinned, uncurling her legs and standing easily. "Got to go and grovel at Roy’s feet to see if I can earn my paycheck without having to cycle all over LA. I’ll see ya around," she called merrily as she left his apartment. Angel didn’t get a chance to reply, as the door shut softly, leaving him in the loneliness that was his life.
Max didn’t allow herself a moment, as much as she’d like to. She needed to get out of there. For her own sanity, she needed to. But still, she had to face the other three. So, she fixed the smile into a carefree grin and made her way above stairs. The three intrepid researchers were discussing matters quietly, but broke off when they heard her approach. "Hey all! I’m taking off." They just nodded at her, mute by her good cheer. Gunn had of course, filled them in on Angel’s latest dilemma.
She sauntered towards them and for all they could tell, she had not one care in the world. Max paused and glanced down at the books Wes had spread out. She tapped it once then smirked at the trio. "Don’t knock yourselves out researching too much. Not like it’s going to happen again." Their mouths dropped open. This was not the reaction they were expecting at all. "Any way, gonna bounce. See ya around!" And with that she strolled out of the building.
Max forced herself to keep moving until she’d finally made it a few blocks away. And then it left her. The strength to get through those minutes finally drained away. She ducked into the closest alley and leaning against the dirty brick wall, she sank to her knees and cried.
*****
Cordelia raced into the Hyperion that evening, her eyes scanning everywhere. The lobby was deserted, so she hurried downstairs to Angel’s apartment. She banged on the door, holding her breath while she waited for him to answer. He did so slowly and she pushed him aside as she entered the apartment. Her eyes took in the slightly messy living room. It looked as if Angel had gone from activity to activity. There was blood congealing in a cup on the coffee table. Half-drawn sketches littered the sofa and floor. Books were piled around haphazardly. And Angel himself looked as if he’d been constantly running distracted fingers through his hair.
"Where’s Max?" she demanded finally.
"She’s not home?" he asked, immediately concerned. Cordy shook her head. "Maybe she’s still at work?" he offered slowly. "She said this morning-!"
"She called Roy this morning and he let her have some time off to heal," Cordy interrupted quickly. "I stayed with Giles to help him do some research. But when I went back to the apartment…well I figured she must have come here."
"She was here this morning," Angel confirmed. "We… we really shouldn’t worry Cordy. I’m sure she’s fine." But the woman was already shaking her head.
"Her room is empty," Cordy announced, a heavy feeling in her stomach. Her mouth felt dry. Her shoulders sagged. "Oh God! She’s really gone."
To Go Where Angels Fear To Tread
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