Fucking Names

Wow! Now, normally I consider myself to be pretty laid back when it comes to people fucking up my name. I have been called so many god damn nicknames in my life that it's sickening. Most of them not flattering. I shake it off. I have people assume that my "nickname" is short for something and insist on calling me by my "full name" (which it fucking isn't) and I just ignore it. I have people that are apparently partially deaf when they hear my name and think my name is something else completely. Whatever! I have people that couldn't be bothered to learn my name and call me "hubby's first name's wife". Okay, whoop de do.

But tonight, I finally opened a fucking channel on you fucking tube so that I could leave one motherfucking comment on a thing that I was very interested in and the god damn cocksucker, screwed it up!!!! So now, instead of being restivenature, like I had fucking well typed in, fucking youtube has decided that I get to be restiveify. What in the motherfucking jesus christ cocksucking kind of name is this bullshitting piece of crap!

Okay, need to calm down before I break the keyboard. I like my keyboard. Frustration has mounted. Apparently the missive that I came up with in high school to pen my poetry under means a hell of a lot more to me than the name that my parents chose. The ones that my uncles and mother chose for their baby sibling, should it have been a girl, which it wasn't. This name is more important, because I chose it, it means something to me, it symbolizes and represents all the things I love that I can't fully share with the world when I am my physical self in the real world. It's not a name that was chosen just because it happens to sound nice. They slapped that name on me before I was even born and my parents took time to discover what I was like. And every single nickname that came out of it was simply because it rhymed with my name. They were intended to be hurtful or funny and were usually only the former. Only once have I had someone else assign me a nickname that came anywhere close to representing anything about me and that nickname was given because of the way I laughed when I was a young teen. So, pretty lame, yeah.

So I totally see why this is pissing me off. I can't change the name as it would appear in comment boxes. I can only get rid of it by deleting my account, but I wouldn't be able to get my account name back. I see red every time I see that stupid fucking restiveify........................

I literally want to punch my fist through the computer screen right now and then break down and cry.