Fiction DA32- Second Chances

Chapter Thirty-two
Second Chances



"So what are you going to do about it?" Gunn asked softly. Angel was still staring straight ahead, unheeding of their words. "Angel?" The Vampire turned his head slightly. Gunn looked at the others. "I think we lost him," he smirked. The others tried to hide their smiles. Cordy sighed with impatience and took the glass Angel had been using and banged it once sharply, on the counter. The sudden loud noise snapped him out of his stunned reverie.



"Please don’t tell me that you did something incredibly male like jumping to conclusions and pissing her off?" Cordy rolled her eyes as the guilt shone through in his eyes. "You did, didn’t you?" He nodded. "How bad?"



"I yelled at her," he admitted in a small voice. Cordy shifted away from the counter and crossed her arms over her chest.



"And what else?"



"I told her there was nothing between us," his voice was even smaller.



"And?"



"And that I didn’t want to see her ever again," a tear formed at the corner of his eye as he finally admitted to himself the absolute mess he’d just made.



"We’d better call in the cavalry then," Gunn whistled under his breath. "Flowers, chocolates, expensive jewelry. Boy, you’re going to have to slither like a snake on it’s belly and grovel like there’s no tomorrow." Wes and Fred nodded their agreement with his assessment.



"Not good enough," Cordy dismissed that plan. "Max isn’t about that stuff. Not that she wouldn’t enjoy it every now and then." She eyed Angel once more. "You will have to grovel. But really, don’t be surprised if she stakes you on sight." Angel nodded. He wouldn’t be surprised either.



"I better go start groveling," he muttered. But before he could move, Fred’s words stopped him.



"No Angel, you need to give her time," she instructed.



"What do you mean?"



"You hurt her deeply tonight," Fred theorized. "Jumping to conclusions the way you did. She needs a chance to work through some things as well. And to know where she is at. You said earlier that the baby might not survive, since she was hurt."



"All the more reason to go see her right now," Wes interrupted. Fred shook her head.



"At this stage, there’s nothing they can do to prevent a miscarriage," she explained. "But yes, someone should be with her. Cordy?"



"I’ll go," the brunette nodded. She turned to her employer. "Angel, you need to figure out precisely what it is you want. No more of this back and forth. One minute you want her, the next you want nothing to do with her. Get it together, or you’re going to lose it all, for good."



"It’s not that simple," he groaned.



"It is," she growled, annoyed beyond belief with him. "You just don’t see it." And with that she slammed her way out of his apartment and up out of the hotel.



*****



Angel brooded for the better part of two days. And for two long nights. But he could see no way out of his current predicament. Even if he were to go back on bended knees, begging for her forgiveness, he could not make things right with Max. He had done precisely what Cordy and Fred and the rest of them said. He’d made promises and then broken them at the first sign of hardship. He’d confused her and abused the trust she’d put in him. He realized eventually that it was a pattern he’d fallen into, beginning with Buffy. Perhaps even before that. When he’d regained his soul, not through choice, as Spike had done, everything had changed for him. He could no longer be a part of his vampiric family’s world. He had to find a new place. And it was a solitary one. It all seemed to start from that point. It was easier to withdraw than have to deal with harsh realities.



That’s why he’d left Buffy. All the things he’d said to her before, that he couldn’t provide the things she deserved was true. But moreover, he couldn’t stand seeing someone else provide them. So he broke his promise and left her. And since that time, he’d faltered. Come back into her life, as she had his since then. It was one big self-destructive cycle. Until she’d finally had the courage to end it by choosing something else. Perhaps he was jealous that she’d had the strength to make that decision. But then, he’d always known that she was the stronger one, even though he’d initially left her. She’d more than proved it through the years. After all, she was still standing, proud, strong, full of life and love. And here he was, hidden in the shadows. Weighted down by guilt. Allowing himself to be chased back into misery by the brief flashes of life upon his unlife.



But how to end the cycle? If only he could find the courage to embrace the things he wanted from his world. Buffy was gone from it. But Max was still there. Did he love her enough to fight for her? Was he strong enough to take the risk to put himself on the line and possibly lose her? And the baby? He’d been given the miracle of Connor He’d always believed the old adage that lightening never struck twice in the same place. And when it came to comparing Max and Buffy, it wasn’t the same. He could separate what was different about them. And why his love for each woman was different. Just as his feelings for other people were different from person to person. That was easy.



But the baby was an entirely different matter. It was brand new, barely formed. Time had yet to put its finger on the little soul and corrupt it with the truth of the world. For that was what had happened to Connor. The boy had learned much to early in his life about treachery and human and demon nature. Even though he hadn’t known it. And to make it all better for his son, Angel had had to make the sacrifice of giving him up. Could he do that again for this child? What was there about his life now that would keep this child safe? Granted, the things that had happened to Connor weren’t likely to repeat themselves. But life was fraught with possibility and he dealt with the scum of those possibilities.



The day seeped into evening as Angel sat brooding. His friends had abandoned him momentarily to it. It was another cycle they had adapted to. Leave the Vampire alone when he was like this. Eventually someone made an overture and if it was met with less hostility than normal, then the cycle began once again. So he wasn’t very surprised when the telephone rang. He wasn’t in the mood for overtures yet, so he let the machine pick up. It was Cordelia.



"Angel pick up!" her harsh tone raged over the line. "Damn it! We don’t have time for your nonsense. I had another vision. Max and the baby are in danger. That demon the other night isn’t the only one. There are more after her. She’s in the hospital still and they’re after her. Room 182 in the maternity wing. Damn it Angel! Would you please pick up!" He heard her sigh, then say to someone else, "he’s not answering. I don’t know what to do. They’ll kill her." He heard no more as he raced for the door. There were only two thoughts in his mind as he flew to his car. The baby was okay and Max needed him.



He ran through the hospital, straight for the maternity wing, never stopping to question what he was doing. He kept his eyes open for any signs of demons, but saw none. As he hurried past the nurses station, he heard one harried women try to tell him that visiting hours were over, but he ignored her. At last he came to Max’s room and burst through the door, ready to die to protect her if need be.



To his shock, he saw simply a confused Max with Cordy sitting placidly at her side. a mocking smile on her face. "What are you doing here?" Max demanded her voice shaky with mixed emotions. She and Cordelia had been talking over her future plans. What, if anything she was going to do about the baby. She watched Angel’s fearful glance take in the room at large.



"Cordy, I’m glad you’re here," he finally gasped. "How much time do we have?"



"Time for what?" Max asked, looking back and forth at the pair. Cordy gave her a sympathetic smile, then stood.



"Come with me Angel," she answered him as she moved to the door. Angel spared Max a glance.



"Everything will be okay now," he tried to assure her before following the Seer to the hallway. He made sure the door was shut behind him before turning to face the other woman.



"I told you it was simple," Cordy began. He furrowed his brow, trying to understand what she was talking about. "There aren’t any demons. I lied."



"You lied?" he was shocked, to say the least. "Why?"



"It was a test, you might say," Cordy shrugged. "I told you that Max was in danger and what was your first reaction?" They were silent a moment.



"I wanted to protect her," he answered softly.



"And it wasn’t just run of the mill helping the hopeless, was it?" Cordy continued smugly. She had Angel exactly where she wanted him.



"No."



"Then you get your butt in there and get to groveling buster," Cordy pushed his shoulder with a smile. He flashed a grin at her. Thanks to her timely phone call, things were starting to make sense. But he sobered again when he realized how much work it would take to hopefully get things back on track. Cordy sighed as she readjusted her purse strap on her shoulder. "Angel, the sooner you get started, the sooner it will be okay." He nodded and turned back to the door. He looked at her once more.



"Thanks Cordy."



"Anytime!" And off she sashayed down the hall, congratulating herself silently on averting another disaster in her little world.



Angel pushed the door open and peeked around the door. Max was lying on the bed, obviously uncomfortable. He eased around the door, the click of it shutting sounding louder in the stillness of the room. He forced himself to move forward, fear gripping his undead heart. The time was now. Or it was never. He knew now that he had to give everything he had, and see if there was anything left afterwards.



"Why are you here?" Her harsh words didn’t phase him. She definitely had the right to be angry with him.



"Cordy called me," he admitted hoarsely. "She said that you and the baby were in danger."



"Well, obviously not," Max hissed, turning her head away from him. "So you can just leave."



"No, I can’t," he denied swiftly. Her head snapped back to him. She tried to push herself up higher in the bed and winced at the pain. He rushed to her side. "What’s the matter? Is it the baby?"



"No," she moaned, her hand resting lightly on her stomach. When the pain had passed, she glared up at him. He reluctantly backed off half a step. "Oh, I get it now. You finally realized that the kid is yours. So here you are, trying to figure out how to worm your way back into my life. Must be a hell of a high for you. One of a kind Vampire gets a girl knocked up. I’m sure you’ll be famous." He finally silenced her tirade with a finger to her lips.



"That’s not why I’m here," he told her.



"Then why are you here?" she demanded again. "I’m obviously not in danger. You don’t need to worry about me. So it must be the baby. Tell me I’m wrong?"



"You are," he said simply. "And you’re right at the same time." It wasn’t his imagination that her features slipped a little. Sadness creeping into her eyes. He shut his eyes, mentally kicking himself. But there was too much on the line to be dishonest with her. "Yes, the baby is important to me. But you’re more important."



"Forgive me if I don’t believe you," Max sneered, turning her head away from him again. He was quiet for a moment before moving around the bed and taking the seat that Cordy had previously occupied. "Do you know what it’s like Angel?" she demanded softly, averting her eyes. But he saw the tears anyway. "To be valued for nothing more than what you can do or be for someone else? For most of my life, that’s all I was. A thing for other people to use as they saw fit. And when I finally got free of that, I had to be on guard every second of every moment of my life. I can’t go through that again." She was trying valiantly, but some tears were slipping free of her heavily blinking eyes.



"I’m not asking you to," he said softly. "Somehow, you’ve always been important to me. Ever since you showed up in the chamber, I’ve been captivated by you. Everything you’ve showed me about yourself is amazing. Maybe it just took you getting pregnant to make me realize that I don’t want to lose you."



"The baby," she scoffed. "See, once again, it wasn’t me." Angel bowed his head. Then he looked back up at her to see her trying to brush the tears from her cheeks.



"It is you," he growled. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair. "And it’s the baby. I hate to say this, but it’s the reality of the situation. You are pregnant, I am the father. No matter what, the baby does figure into the equation."



"Would you be here if there was no baby?" she asked quietly, as if fearing his answer.



"Yes," he answered firmly. "When Cordy called, my first reaction was to protect you."



"But you can’t disregard the fact that I’m pregnant," she frowned.



"No, and neither can you," Angel pointed out reasonably. "Everything you say or do is going to revolve around that fact."



"That’s true," she admitted quietly. They were silent for a long moment.



"Max, my feelings for the baby aren’t what you think," he finally spoke. "You see, this isn’t my first child."



"What?"



"A… while ago, I had another child," he admitted, fearful of her reaction to the story. But he had decided on full honesty.



"What happened? Where’s the kid?" Max was curious, despite herself.



"When he was a baby," Angel’s voice was thick with remembered emotion; "he was kidnapped. We finally got him back, but he’d grown up by then. The man who’d stolen him had told him things about me that weren’t true. But there was too much between us for my son to ever fully trust me again. He saw what I really was and couldn’t reconcile it with what he’d learned growing up. He was so confused."



"So what did you do?"



"I gave him up," he answered simply, even though it felt so much more complicated. "I made a deal and gave him the family he deserved. He has no memory of me, or any other but his new family."



"Is he happy?" Max asked softly. "Was it worth it?"



"Yeah," Angel smiled sadly. "It was definitely worth it."



Max watched him carefully. She could see the pain in his face that this subject brought. It told her so much more than she thought possible. She’d heard all these stories from Cordelia about how wonderful Angel was. Had seen some of it herself firsthand. And she could see the fear there as well. She could see it because it mirrored her own. She was scared to take the chance and face rejection. There was more at stake for her than ever before. She knew she could survive it, if things blew up in her face. She was born to survive. But did she want to take the risk that she might have to survive? She knew at once the answer. She would. Because, without reason, without prejudice, she loved this being before her. As mysterious and ethereal as that emotion was, it was hers. To share or withhold as she saw fit. But to withhold it would pervert it, making her wither and die inside. She had to take the chance. But she needed to know one more thing.



"If you had to," she began carefully, "would you give up me and the baby? If there were no other way to keep us safe?"



"In a heartbeat," he answered his eyes shut and his jaw clenched. He felt her hand brush over his face and opened his eyes to gaze up at her. "But please, don’t ask me to do that now. For so many years, I’ve been searching for redemption. And now… the only place I want to see it, is in your eyes." Her fingers brushed over his face once more and he leaned into the caress gratefully. He kept his eyes trained on her face, hoping against hope.



"Okay."


Freely Offered