Title: Dream Within
Author: Restive Nature (aka Bavite)
Rated: NC-17
Disclaimer: All characters within this fiction are the property of Cameron/ Eglee. I just like to play with them.
Timeline: Six weeks after FN.
Pairing M/A
Summary: An unexpected accident causes Max to think about the future in a new way.
AN: The date of Max and Alec’s wedding should have been February 28th, 2022. I’ve gone back and fixed that so that the timeline gels.
Chapter Twenty-five
When Emotion Takes Over Everything
August 27th, 2023
"Weight?" Tina’s bored voice rang out, as Max tiredly stepped on the old fashioned scale that was now adorning Doc’s prime triage room. Well, no triage for her today. Just another run of the mill, damnable, same as always check-up. Get on the scale; listen in humiliation as Tina read out the ever-increasing number. Get off the scale. Go to the bed. Change into an exam gown. Wait forever on the cold, metal lined table for Doc, or Tina, or Dr. Carr or whoever the hell it was that was available to see her. In the last few months, they’d had generous offers from the university hospital staff they worked with to have an attending surgeon, physician and an OB/GYN on call. They were rarely needed.
But since Doc wasn’t a fully trained doctor and Tina was just a physical therapist, of sorts, they did like having someone they could turn to with the experience and information that they didn’t always have. And for the doctors coming to TC for things such as prenatal check-ups, well they were in geeker heaven. The transgenic and transhuman physiology was just enough different from others that they wanted to study the logistics over and over. The trannies had put their collective foot down about it, saying no on general principles. They understood themselves, and that was enough. But that didn’t prevent various doctors and administrators from perpetually hoping.
Today, in the latest stream of OB’s, Max found young, pimply faced doctor, and she hesitated to even call him that, waiting for her. Because of the still present toxins in TC, they couldn’t risk prolonged exposure of the ordinaries. So Max had volunteered to go to a clinic or even the hospital, though she wasn’t entirely comfortable with the idea. But when she’d arrived, there’d been a bevy of doctors all vying to talk to her of thesis, physiognomy and theory, aside from the doctors in the obstretics field that wanted to treat her. And added to that were the administrative staff that felt it imperative that they be on hand to greet the illustrious Alec McDowell that had so generously started what appeared to be a lucrative fund for them and their hospital.
Luckily Carr had been there that time to steer them through the mass and find a little privacy. And after Max’s examination, he’d provided a way out, without encountering any more oh so helpful personnel. After that, Max had refused to return. Alec had blown off some steam by ranting about how they should have chosen a different hospital, until Mole wryly pointed out that it would have been the same anywhere. Just because the rest of the ordinaries had calmed down about their apprehension of the freaks, didn’t mean that professionals didn’t want to use them to further their own ends.
So now Max was stuck with revolving door doctors in the last stage of her pregnancy. Actually, beyond that because she was three days overdue. Since it was standard procedure for doctors to see pregnant women once a week in the last month until they gave birth, most of the doctors had little time to familiarize themselves with her case. So she ended up answering the same damn questions over and over. And for some reason, her temper was inverse to her weight. The more she gained in ounces, the shorter her temper got. As many, many people could attest to.
And by the time the appointment was all over, she was ready to cry. She’d stayed constant in her weight, which was a relief. Max was afraid that instead of losing weight when she had the kid, it’d all be a big fat lie and she’d swell up even more. She was still set at two centimeters dilation. Any contractions she’d felt in the last week were obviously Braxton-Hicks, false labor. And the pimply-faced git hadn’t even been willing to discuss inducing the labor. It didn’t matter to Max that everyone else was against it. She just wanted Jamie to be born. At least Dr. Carr had discussed it with her, explaining why it wasn’t a good idea at this point. But that had been a few weeks ago.
Max grimaced as she struggled into her dress. Everything these days were taking her twice as long, if she even had the energy for it. There was a knock at the door and Max called permission to enter once her dress swirled down to cover her decently. Tina poked her head into the room, smiling sympathetically at her. She glanced down at the shoes Max had turned to. Unlike her usual sneakers or boots, she’d been opting for flip-flops and sandals. It was so much easier to get your day started it you didn’t have to contend with bending over.
"Hey," Tina smiled as she stepped in fully. She gestured to the shoes. "Need any help?"
"Nah," Max shook her head. "I’m good." And to prove it, she shoved one foot into the nearest shoe, not bothering to look as she picked up the ream of pamphlets these idiots always seemed so eager to pawn off on her. She wiggled her toes uncomfortably, wondering what the problem was until Tina giggled. "What?"
"Uh Max," Tina stifled her laughter quickly as she pointed down again. "You might want to try that on the other foot." Max glanced down, dismayed when once again, all she saw was protruding stomach. So she lifted the offending appendage to see that indeed, she’d picked the wrong shoe. And Max, just like any other pregnant transgenic that was at the end of her rope, burst into tears. And Tina, like any transgenic, long used to this, called for Alec.
It took him seconds only to arrive. Attesting to the fact that he’d been faithfully waiting for her to arrive at the consultation with Carr. They’d seen him sporadically as well, just so that he could keep up on Max’s memory developments. Which in recent months had added up to zero. Not even flashes, thus proving Carr unhappily correct. But none of that was on Max’s mind as she cried. It was just the simple adding up of minor frustrations that had finally proved to her that the world was out to get her.
And while normally, mixing up her shoes didn’t ever happen to her, it was just the tip of the iceberg. Pregnancy hormones raged through her body, making the slightest mess up seem monumental. The kindest word about her condition was held in deep suspicion. And the infernal question, ‘have you had the kid yet?’ Max swore that she’d throttle the next person who asked her that, be it in person or through the phone. But worse than any of the little things that bugged the crap out of her, was Alec’s calm acceptance of the matter.
He simply came into the room, not caring what the problem was. Just sure that he could either help her, or soothe her until she figured it out for herself. And in the strange mood she’d been in the last few days, that bothered her for reasons she couldn’t possibly understand. And of course, considering that she considered herself perfectly capable of figuring herself out, she hadn’t bothered to ask any of the other transgenic females who’d been through this before. They all could have told her that irrational anger with one’s mate was a natural by-product of the hormones.
But if anyone else dared to tell her that… Well, Max was extremely likely to fly off the handle and prove that she was more than just the housing for Alec’s child. But her thoughts were quickly distracted as Alec’s arms came around her, nudging her head to rest in the crook of his shoulder. Just having him nearby settled her jangling nerves. Until Tina piped up again.
"Take her home Alec," she directed. "I’ll tell Carr to come back another time." Max bristled at the indulgent tone she heard in the other woman’s voice. Alec wisely opted for the safer measure. He pulled back slightly and looked down into her tear-streaked face.
"Do you want to do this now or later?" he asked gently. Max let out a sigh. She should have known he’d ask. He seemed to have learned quickly that even if he thought he was doing the right thing, Max would find some way to take it wrong. She honestly didn’t mean to, but her emotions were so much nearer the surface. Such an extreme that it almost made her yearn for the days when she was simply a bitch to her husband and anyone else she felt like.
But the answer that slipped out of her mouth simply underscored her vulnerability. "I just want to go home." And then she buried her head in his neck. Alec thankfully, didn’t protest. Didn’t argue that Carr had taken time out of his busy schedule to see her, even though it was almost pointless now. Didn’t give her any directions.
He just reached for the papers in her hand and turned his head to Tina. "Could you?" he asked, apparently making some gesture that Max couldn’t see. But when she felt the woman’s slim hand poke at her foot, she realized what he’d meant. She lifted her foot up and felt Tina slide the incorrect shoe off and swiftly replace it with the right one. Max set her foot down and lifted up her other foot. Tina obliged, sliding the shoe on for her, instead of making her search for it. As soon as Tina stood she felt Alec shift and glanced up to see him flash a smile at the woman. With no other words, he escorted her out of the room.
He didn’t need to ask what the doctor had said as she told him in a tired voice as they walked. He sympathized, but there wasn’t much else that he could do. The first day past her due date, he’d pored over the literature they had, searching for something to help start her labor. It was no secret that he was eager for Jamie to be born. Nowhere near as desperate as Max, but excited all the same. The second day, when nothing had worked, he’d returned to being supportive. And apparently that was his game plan for now.
It was crazy, Max knew it, but there were moments when she totally blamed this all on him. He’d just had to celebrate the anniversary of his asking her to marry him. He’d just had to be all manly and fruitful. Of course it wasn’t her fault that she was born female and just as fruitful as he. He was male; he didn’t have to suffer like she was. Therefore it was his fault. ‘And damn him for being so calm. For being so nice to me. I’ve been ranting at him for the last week and he just takes it!’ Max felt another bout of irrationality coming on as Alec opened the door to their newer apartment.
It was just a few doors down from where they’d lived previously. Gem had suggested it. And bowing to her wisdom as an established mother, Max and Alec had moved. From a one bedroom apartment to two bedrooms. They’d slowly been able to get a nursery ready. Not by any means one that ever had any chance of being declared "infant living space of the year". But it was serviceable, had all the necessities. It was here that Max headed straight for.
"I am so tired," she whined. Alec trailed after her, his hand resting on her lower back.
"I know babe," he soothed as he kicked of his shoes.
"No you don’t!" she snapped as he took a seat in the rocking chair that he’d found for her a few months previous.
"Okay, I don’t," he murmured affably as he held out his arms to her. Max snorted lightly as she took a seat in his lap. His arms closed around as much of her waist that he could. She snuggled in as best she could, finally managing to hook her legs over the armrest opposite her. Now at last, she could really understand how ordinaries felt. Her flexibility was gone. Her transgenic speed was now tempered by the noticeable waddle in her step. Every once in a while she lost her center of balance and was incredibly clumsy. And worst of all, she couldn’t sleep lying down at all, which was why they were in the chair.
Alec used the toe of one foot to set the chair to swaying. Max yawned and despite how terrible she was feeling, managed to drift right off to sleep. She didn’t even register the cramping in her back, since it seemed to have been that way always. Nor did she pay any attention to the hardening muscles in her abdomen that had seemed hard forever. All she knew was that she and the baby were home and safe in her husband’s arms.
*****
When Max woke several hours later, she immediately noticed one thing. Another trip to the bathroom was needed. "Damn bladder," she grumbled as she began the complicated procedure of extricating herself from her position. Alec stirred a little as she maneuvered.
"Maxie?" he mumbled, sleep still claiming most of him.
"Bathroom," she uttered tersely. He nodded slowly as his hand nudged its way under her knees. In a practiced move, he swung her around and helped her to stand. He was back asleep by the time she’d waddled out of the room.
She took care of business and was heading for the kitchen for some more raspberry leaf tea when she noticed the dishes still in the sink. With a sigh, she realized that both she and Alec had forgotten about them in the rush to make it to her appointment. Well, it was no use leaving them. So Max detoured from her intended route to start filling the sink with water.
Once that was done, she’d noticed several other things that they’d been letting slip in the past few weeks. Well, she couldn’t vacuum as the doctor said it was a no-no. But that didn’t mean she couldn’t dust. And by the time she’d finally worked her way back to Jamie’s room, her unexpected burst of energy had faded, leaving her cranky once more. And she focused that ire on the first thing she saw. Alec’s shoes.
"God damn it!" her yell more than woke him up. Alec came to standing in one fluid, panicked movement. He was beside her, one hand on her stomach, the other checking his watch.
"Contraction?" he asked, his voice a mixture of worry and excitement.
"Shoes!" she shot back. The confusion on his face was almost enough to bring her out of her dark mood. But when he didn’t automatically understand and comply, she huffed out, "I could have tripped!"
"Oh, sorry babe," he apologized slowly, shaking the last remnants of confusion from his eyes. But Max was on a roll, so to speak. When he didn’t immediately pick them up, she grunted in anger. And tried to bend over to do so herself. A near impossible feat now. "Max!" he protested, pulling on her arm. She stood and he bent over to scoop up the offending sneakers. It was then that he noticed the bucket in her other hand. "What are you doing?" he demanded.
"Cleaning, moron," she snapped "What does it look like I’m doing? Dancing Swan Lake?" He made to protest again, but she cut him off. "And no, I haven’t been lifting anything or climbing ladders or vacuuming or any of the other billion things I’m not allowed to do."
"I didn’t say anything," he remarked mildly. But it didn’t deter her.
"I am a big girl Alec," she went on as if he hadn’t spoken. "I know what I can and can’t do. And if I feel like cleaning, then I’ll clean."
"Really," he smirked, "I was just going to ask why."
"Because the house needs to be clean!" she yelled. Alec stiffened slightly. And the inner bitch in her realized that she was laying it on a little thick, but somehow she just couldn’t stop herself. "If the baby ever decides to make an appearance, I’m sure as hell not gonna have the energy to do it. And you haven’t bothered to do a damn thing around here."
"Max," he said it softly, without rancor, without remonstration. Max’s face fell as suddenly old words, her words echoed back in her ears. All the times she’d blamed Alec for something that really wasn’t his fault. Times when she’d taken her anger out on the person nearest to her, usually him. And just as she couldn’t help ranting, she couldn’t help the tears. The bucket dropped from her hand as the tears welled up in her eyes. There was another couple of thuds as his shoes fell next to the bucket and his arms went around her as he curved his body to hers. "Sweetie?"
"Don’t Alec," she sobbed, the moisture soaking the front of his shirt. "I know I’m being a bitch. And I’m sorry. I can’t help it."
"I know," he soothed. But that was the wrong thing to say.
"No! You don’t know," she raged, pulling away from his embrace. "You’re not the one with the aching back. You’re not the one who cries because you see a dog running around with a kid. You’re not the one who can’t walk properly because you’re hips keep spreading."
"That’s not what I meant," he chuckled, pulling her back to him. "I mean I know, because I see how tough this is on you. And if there was something I could do to help or make it easier, then I want to do it. And knowing that, I also know that there isn’t a whole heck of a lot I can do, except be there for you, in whatever way you need. If you need to yell at me, then do it. If you need to sleep on me, then do it. If you need the house cleaned, then just tell me what to do."
Max softened a little, her energy draining further. But there was still something that she needed to say. "How on earth do you put up with me?" she asked softly. She felt the kiss he pressed onto the top of her head.
"Because I love you," he answered amiably. Max snorted lightly. While it may have been true, it was such a pat answer. "No really," he chuckled. Max shifted a little, not content with his answer. Something niggled at her. There had to be more, because she knew that she certainly wouldn’t put up with this sort of behavior from him. Her mind reminded her that Alec wasn’t carrying a baby. But even if he could have, she really didn’t think she’d have the patience to deal with him as he did her.
"What else?" she finally asked, trying not to dismiss his declaration. He studied her for a moment, serious thought replacing the humorous glint that had been in his eyes.
"Do remember anything of right after the accident?" he asked, without hope, his fingers clutching at hers. He already knew that she didn’t. But then, Alec was never one to just give up on something completely. Max shook her head. There was still nothing clear, or at all of that time. She only vaguely remembered going to Logan’s in the first place.
"Well afterwards, we were talking," he continued. "Just stuff in general. And you asked me what I wanted out of life."
"And let me guess," Max grinned, "you were all wine, women and song, or something along that line."
"At first, yeah," he admitted, a faint blush staining his cheeks. "But you persisted and I finally told you what I wanted." He was staring intently at her now. Understanding dawned as his fingers caressed the skin around her wedding rings.
"You wanted a family," she whispered.
"Yeah," he chuckled. "But also a place where we could be who we were meant to be. A place where people didn’t fear the freaks. I wanted us all to be happy and satisfied with our lives." He paused for a moment. "And it was you."
"Me?" she asked, slightly dumbfounded. What had she done?
Almost as if reading her mind, he answered. "You made all those dreams come true. All my dreams. And I remember that every time I look at you."
"Oh Alec," she sniffled. Max could feel the tears starting again. But they felt different. Almost cleansing. Her husband leveled a huge smile in her direction as his hand caressed her stomach.
"That’s how I ‘put up with you’," he teased. He gave her a moment to try and collect herself, and then leaned over to pick up the bucket and shoes that had been abandoned. "Now, how about you sit down for a little bit and tell me what needs to be done."
"Okay," she agreed. She let him lead her back to the living room and took a seat on the couch. He pulled the coffee table a little closer so the she could rest her feet. And then proceeded to clean the apartment for her, entertaining her with his chatter as he always did. And for the first time in a long while, Max was content.
*****
August 28th, 2003
Max came awake slowly, wondering what on earth it was now that had woken her from her sleep. Earlier in the evening it had been Alec carrying her to bed, since she’d fallen asleep on the couch after dinner. Then she’d woken again as Jamie decided to try out the current acrobatic routine. And then she’d woken again when Alec had come to bed. But now, everything was silent around her. She turned her head to her left to see Alec sprawled facedown on his pillow. She smiled even though she wanted to grimace at the slight twinge of pain in her back.
Max ran a soothing hand over the baby’s motion, knowing how useless it would be. When Jamie wanted to move, he moved. Or she, Max still didn’t know. Although, she’d been leaning more and more to thinking it was a boy. But she still had odd moments when she insisted it was a girl. Right now she didn’t care about gender, all she wanted was some more sleep. She turned her head to the other side.
"Great," she mumbled, wondering if she should get up. It was nearly two o’clock in the morning. And if she got up now, she’d probably be up the rest of the night. But she could always try rocking in the chair and see if that settled Jamie down. But she was just so exhausted; she didn’t have the energy to move yet. And every time she thought she’d be able to move, there was another twinge of pain. It clicked in Max’s mind that the pain seemed fairly rhythmic. With a small gasp of excitement, she stared at the clock, timing the distance between contractions.
They were coming every few minutes, which was good news for Max. At last she could call Doc, have him, Gem and Tina standing by. She’d get Alec up and they could head over to the infirmary and at last she’d have the baby. She struggled to her side, facing Alec and poked him in the shoulder. "Alec, wake up," she murmured. He muttered something in his sleep, his hand moving to grab her finger and twine his own fingers around hers. Max shook her hand in his, but it didn’t bother him. She tried again, a little louder. "Alec!" He grunted again. "The baby wants to get out now!" Still nothing.
Deciding that maybe it was better to get up and get ready, then wake him, Max rolled back over to her other side to climb out of the bed. But just as she rolled over, another contraction hit her, this one harder, tougher than the others. Trying to remember what Gem and Tina had told her about breathing, she took a deep breath, letting it out slowly in a small stream, just trying to manage the increasing pain. She kept an eye on the clock, gauging the length of the contraction. It finally eased off after a minute, even though it wasn’t completely gone. Max heaved a sigh as the clock slipped over to 2:14. She scooted her arm over, in preparation to push herself up, but as she did, a wave of dizziness came over her. Her last thought as she slipped back to the bed was, ‘oh no, this can’t be good.’
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