Chapter Title: Prank Master
Author: Restive Nature
Disclaimer: Neither show represented in this fiction belongs to me. Dark Angel is the product of Cameron/Eglee and Fox, whereas Supernatural is the product of Kripke and The CW. No profits are made from this fiction and it is intended for private enjoyment only.
Rating: Soft R
Genre: Crossover
Type: Humor
Pairing: None
Summary: It’s time to end the war of wars.
Spoilers/ Timeline: This story takes place when the kids are all still young. In Chapter 19 of “When It Changes”, Sam and Dean have started another prank war that John and Max refused to get involved with.
Feedback: Always welcome.
Distribution: Ask first please.
A/N: This story, while being in the same universe as When It Changes, does not actually occur within that storyline. This fiction is just an off-shoot of what might have happened.
A/N2: Warning! This story alludes to homosexual acts (there’s no Wincest here though). Please be aware that there is no actual sex taking place, but if even the thought turns you off, please don’t read any further.
“There you go!” John announced as he finished writing out the last of the two notes. He folded them over and slid each into an envelope and sealed them. Notations didn’t matter since they both said the same thing. Once he finished, he handed over the notes to his daughter. “You know what you’re going to say?”
“I’ve got a pretty good idea,” Max replied as she took the papers. With an enigmatic smile, Max slid them into her jacket pocket, along with the other items she needed. She stood and headed for the door of the diner. “See you in fifteen?”
“I’ll be there,” John confirmed. Max sailed out the door, heading back to the nearby motel. It was time to end the war of wars.
*****
Sam cautiously squirted the supposed toothpaste onto his finger. He waited a moment, but felt no burning on his digit. Next, he tasted it with the tip of his extended tongue. Again, no burning aside from the usual burst of sting from the strong peppermint flavor. It was toothpaste all right. Confident, Sam went ahead with brushing his teeth, but still his eyes darted around, trying to seek out where the next trap was laid. He stilled when he heard a door opening, but relaxed again when he heard Max’s voice calling to him. “I’m in the bathroom,” he called back through the closed door.
“Well hurry up,” she cried out, impatient. “Wake up Dean!”
Sam heard his older brother groan as he finished brushing. Older brother sure did like his sleep. After a final rinse of water, Sam wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, gathered up toothbrush and toothpaste, since you couldn’t just leave them unattended with Dean on the loose and exited the bathroom.
”What’s up?” he asked as he deposited his belongings in his duffel bag.
“Have a seat,” Max directed, gesturing to the bed that Dean was sitting up in, the covers pooled across his lap.
“What’s goin’ on?” Dean asked through a yawn. Max waited until he’d finished his morning stretch.
“First,” she began, “I got to tell ya, Dad’s getting pretty tired of your little prank war.”
“So?” Dean smirked, his eyes twinkling devilishly. In the night, he’d come up with some more great pranks to hit Sammy with and couldn’t wait to try them out.
“So-o,” Max drawled, pulling some items from her jacket pockets, “I’m supposed to give you these.” She checked to make sure that each male received the correctly labeled items. “And these.” The envelopes containing the notes written from John were deposited in their hands.
“That’s it?” Dean continued to smirk. A tape cassette and a note? That was the big threat?
“That’s it,” Max nodded. “And hurry up; we’ll be heading out right away.” With that she carried herself out the door, gently shutting it only to lean against it to better hear the coming fireworks.
The boys watched her leave and then glanced at one another. With barely discernable shrugs, they both turned their attention to the missives they each held.
Dean had his open first, pulling out the folded note. With thumb and forefinger, he flipped it open and read:
This is it! This prank war stops now! I’m sure that the contents of these tapes will convince you that any pranks pulled in the next year from this date will have dire consequences. You will not like going public!
Dad
Dean frowned. What on earth? What kind of blackmail did the old man have that was that vile? Well, there was only one way to find out. Dean leaned over the bed, retrieving his Walkman from his duffel bag. He noticed that Sammy was doing likewise with his bag. It was easy enough to slip the tape in and press play. But what came next was excruciating.
“Dean Does Dallas… Scene Three… Take Twelve,” came a velvety smooth voice. Dean’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to figure this out. There was a crackle and then the moans that followed had his eyes widening in alarm. They were deep and throaty and definitely familiar sounding.
“What the hell?” he bit off.
“That’s right Dean baby,” came a different voice, definitely masculine.
“Uh, more… harder!” That was definitely his voice.
“No! Cut! Cut!” the first voice was heard again. Sorry guys, the camera angle was wrong. It must have been bumped.”
“That’s okay man,” the second voice said even as Dean heard his own agreement on the tape.
“You guys still good?” the first voice asked.
“Oh hell, I can do this all night long,” Dean heard himself brag.
“That’s my good little bitch,” laughed the second voice.
“Oh fuck you!” Tape-Dean was chuckling.
“Don’t mind if you do,” the second voice shot right back.
“All right guys,” the first voice interrupted with a laugh. “Save it for the camera. The angle’s fixed; we’re ready to roll again. Okay, Dean Does Dallas, scene three, take thirteen. Action!”
There were quiet muffled noises and then… “Oh yeah!” Just like that!” Dean heard himself groaning on the tape.
“Okay, cue Jake,” came the first voice. There was the sound of a door opening and shutting.
And then a new voice announced, “Well now I know why you cut out of football practice early.” A pause. “You know, I could use something to take the edge off. I’m all… sweaty and tense.”
“Well then c’mere,” Dean’s voice instructed on the tape. “Get your little ass over here and let me take care of that.”
There were more muffled noises and then the second voice again. “That’s right Dean. Suck him good. God, you’re such a horny little bitch, aren’t you?”
Oh God! Was that… slurping?
*****
Max didn’t have long to wait.
“What the hell?” That was Dean.
“Oh no! What-?” That was Sam.
“No! No! Nononononono! NO!”
“Oh my God, oh my God!”
Silence.
“Did you…? Was yours…?” Dean seemed to be having trouble with coherent complete sentences.
“No! No!” Sam denied vehemently. “I’ve never… That wasn’t… me. Oh God… So disgusting.” A trouble that Sam seemed to be sharing.
“Well of course not!” Dean announced disgustedly. “But how…”
“He taped us,” Sam surmised. “But when…?”
“It wasn’t when I…!” Definite alarm from Dean.
“Of course not! You really think Dad would follow and…?”
“Well he did this!”
“Oh for cryin’ out loud Dean, it’s the digital age. Give me a computer and some tapes and I can do the same thing! Um, not that I would, I mean…!”
“Oh my God! No, no! He can’t have. Dad can barely work a toaster.”
Another pause.
“You don’t think Dad hired someone, do you?” Sammy’s voice sounded even younger than usual.
“Damn it! I don’t know!” Dean roared. Max heard him groan. “I’m just wondering what he means about ‘going public’?”
“Well… well obviously, he’d uh… he’d give these to someone.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know. Bobby? Caleb? Uh… Pastor Jim?”
“No! No, oh hell no! He wouldn’t, would he? Nonononono!”
“No I… oh man! Girls Dean!”
“What?”
“Didn’t he say before? Girls Dean!”
“Oh fuck. We’re dead.”
“B-but… I haven’t ever…!”
“I know Sammy.”
“I mean I want to… but-!”
“I know Sammy.”
“But how can I…?”
“I KNOW Sammy!”
Another pause.
“You’re right Dean, we’re dead.”
“Wait, wait, wait! Here’s what we’ll do. Give me that!”
“No! Dean, no!”
“I’m not gonna listen to it idiot!” Dean growled while an obvious tussle ensued. “Like I’d ever want to hear you perform any sexual acts, let alone gay ones. It’s bad enough when you wank off in the bathroom.”
“You heard that!”
“The whole motel heard. Give me the tape!”
Dean obviously won the match as Sam was groaning. But the next sound Max heard was crunching. Perhaps plastic under a certain heel?
“Here’s what we’ll do Sammy. Listen! No more pranks for what? The next year. That’s fine! But when that year is up, we’ll get Dad. We’ll plan something so heinous, but we won’t do it.”
“Huh?”
“No, we’ll let him find out and then we’ll use it to get any and all copies of those… those things back. But until then, best behavior and not ONE WORD to anyone! Deal?”
“Deal! Truce?”
“Truce!”
And it was just in time. She heard the slaps of their hands as they shook on their deal, just as John was pulling in. With a delicious grin, she pushed away from where she was leaning. She waited for John to pull to a stop and then climbed into the front seat.
“So?” John asked, turning in his seat to focus on his daughter. “Did it work?”
“I’d say so,” Max confirmed with a grin.
“No more pranks?”
“For the next year? No.” Max paused deliberately. “But they’re planning some retribution when that year is up.”
“Typical,” John snorted, “Well, I better go get us checked out.” He turned away and climbed out of the car. With a worried look, he ducked his head back down to regard her. “Do I even want to know what was on those tapes?”
Max thought back on what she’d just heard and then flashed back to the week they’d spent in Frisco. Thought about the closet gay porn star whose house she’d ripped off, thereby discovering his secret. That little discovery, an anonymous hiring of him and some of his co-workers and the thousand dollars she’d dropped on the project were tough. Getting the boys was a little harder. But a hidden microphone and tape recorder while hunting and at the motels, some excellent desserts and unsuspected foot rubs had brought the project along. In the end it was all worth it. Peace and quiet, at least for the next year. But still…
“No dad,” she smiled. “You really don’t want to know.”
What If- Do Dallas What? Huh!
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